“Sure, I do,” Christian said easily, as though he'd support me no matter what it was that I was thinking.
I swallowed hard. “I was thinking about Lino,” I admitted, nodding toward the luau group. “Not in a sexual way or anything like that, just…”
“You guys dated for a while,” Christian murmured, his voice soothing and his fingertips stroking my shoulder. “I'm sure there are still a bunch of feelings tangled up there.”
“Yeah,” I admitted. “I'm angry at him, honestly. I don't want to talk about why or anything like that, but the fact that he had the gall to come up and talk to us when we were alone, rather than when we were up with the rest of the group earlier in the evening was shit.” I laughed. “I don't even know what I'm upset about, honestly,” I said.
“Emotions are confusing,” Christian said, nodding his head. “I get that.” He sighed and shook his head. “Honestly? He's probably starting to realize what he lost. You look so incredibly beautiful tonight, and seeing you around your friends, so happy, lit up by the firelight.” He laughed and ran a hand back through his hair. “Listen to me,” he said, rolling his eyes. “I sound like some bad poet.”
I was silent for a long moment, thinking over what he'd just said. Thinking about the fact that I felt like I was somehow privileged enough to see the real Christian Wall, the one who the rest of the world never got to see. Because here, in these moments where he seemed uncertain, where he seemed like he was trying to understand himself as much as me. The rest of the world got the cool and confident Christian Wall, the one who was an expert salesman and slept with a different woman every night of the week. And nothing more.
I spun to face him, leaning up on my toes and kissing him, unable to stop myself. “You're pretty amazing, yourself,” I told him shyly. There was more that I wanted to say, but I knew that we were already getting too far into this. I left it at that for now.
But from the way that Christian smiled knowingly down at me when I said those words, I wondered if he could hear all the other words in my voice regardless.
Chapter Twenty-One
Christian
A couple of weeks after the luau, I was chilling with Mark in my hotel suite. “So, you still have no plans to leave Hawaii?” he asked curiously.
I shrugged over at him. “Nope. No firm plans,” I said. “I need to get back to work eventually, but they can wait until at least the New Year. They told me to come back when I'm ready, and I don't feel quite ready to go yet.”
“Because of Gretchen,” Mark said. It wasn't a question.
I laughed a little. “Yeah, mostly because of Gretchen,” I admitted.
“You know, I really would have thought you'd have moved on to someone else by now,” Mark mused. “It's not like there's any shortage of attractive women here in Hawaii, and I'm sure they'd all be bending over backward to slip between the sheets with the great Christian Wall!”
I shrugged again, not sure how to explain to him that the appeal just wasn't there. “Honestly, I would have expected that too,” I admitted. “But Gretchen and I have a lot of fun together. She keeps me on my toes. And,” I winked at him, “she's great in the sack.”
“I figured she must be,” Mark said, smirking at me. “You wouldn't settle for less, would you?”
“Of course not,” I said, rolling my eyes. “A friend who you don't enjoy having sex with is meant to be just a friend.”
Mark laughed. “Such an obvious thing, but how many people do you bet are in relationships because they like the person as a friend but hate having sex with them?”
“Right?” I said, shaking my head. “Just doesn't make any sense.” I hummed a little. “I'm lucky, though. Gretchen's the full package.”
“So, what, you're going to get engaged to her and never leave Hawaii? Never look at another woman again?”
I rolled my eyes and shoved him lightly. “Come on, man, be realistic,” I said. Then, I sobered up a little, frowning. “Even if I wanted that to happen, and I'm not saying that I do, there's no way to do that. I have my job, my home, and my whole life back in New York. All my friends are there, and-”
“Ouch, man,” Mark said, clutching at his chest like I'd wounded him. “You don't consider me to be a friend?”
I snorted. “You're just my driver,” I joked. Then, I shook my head. “You've also been great since I've been here, Mark. Thanks for that.”
Mark shrugged, looking a bit awkward. “Are we supposed to hug or something now, dude?” he asked.
I laughed. “Nah. But you are supposed to drive me over to the massage parlor. Let's go.”
“Sure, sure,” Mark said, pushing up from his sprawl on the couch and leading the way toward the door. He opened it and bowed me through, an ironic gesture that had me rolling my eyes again.
At the massage parlor, I waited patiently out in the front room for Gretchen to finish up her current appointment. I hadn't told her that I was coming over, but I had asked what her schedule looked like for the day, so I knew that she would have her lunch break after this appointment. I wanted to surprise her and take her out to a place down on the waterfront which had just opened the week before. They were reputed to have really good seafood, and I knew Gretchen would probably like it.
I flipped through one of the ladies’ magazines on the table, glancing impatiently at my watch now and then. It was my fault for showing up fifteen minutes early, but I'd wanted to make sure I got to spend as much time with her as I could. She'd been busy lately with the vacationers beginning to arrive, and even in the evenings when she didn't have customers, she was usually pretty tired and ready just to curl up and watch a movie with me.
Finally, she came out of the massage room with her client, a tall and leggy blonde with shockingly green eyes and a scattering of freckles across her nose. She was the kind of girl who I would have gone for back in New York, but next to Gretchen's exotic looks, she just wasn't that appealing.