“I’m not,” Luis said. “But I know that if I keep this up, I could fall for her.”
“And that’s a bad thing because…”
“Because I’m deploying soon,” he said. “I’m only in town for a few more weeks. And I’ve always promised myself that I would never get seriously involved with a woman while I’m still in the military.”
“Why?”
“Because it’s unfair to her; because she would spend half her life waiting for me and then…what if I don’t come back?”
I thought instantly about Henry and Daphne. Henry didn’t have a wife or children, but he did leave behind parents who loved him like crazy, and his death and destroyed their marriage. I thought about all the friends I had lost during my career. In total, I had watched three brothers die; one had given his last breath right before my eyes. Luis had been around during that time, and he had seen how much Michael’s death had affected me.
“You’re thinking about Michael, aren’t you?” Luis asked, as though he had been reading my mind.
I nodded. “I haven’t thought about him in a long time…mostly because his last moments haunt me to this day.”
“That’s right,” Luis nodded. “You were the one who was with him.”
I nodded. “He was bleeding out, and I knew our pickup was still at least fifteen minutes away. I think we both knew he wouldn’t make it.”
“You’ve never really spoken about that with me.”
“I never spoke about that with anyone,” I said. “I couldn’t—it’s one thing to be aware of death, and it’s another thing to see death right in front of you. It was one of the most confronting experiences of my life. He had a wife and two kids back home.”
“I know,” Luis nodded.
“He didn’t mention them, though,” I said. “People always assumed that he did…but he was just scared for himself. He didn’t want to die, and he knew he had no choice.”
“Michael and I were friends,” Luis said tiredly. “I met his wife several times, and his children.”
“That’s right,” I nodded. “I remember.”
“Emma was his high school sweetheart; they got married right after their graduation when they were both eighteen. Emma was pregnant with Katie.” Luis got quiet for a second, and I knew he was thinking about Michael’s widow and the children he’d left behind. “I went to see Emma and the kids a few months ago when I first got here.”
“How were they?” I asked.
“Katie’s seven,” Luis said, in awe of time and how ruthless it could be. “Peter’s five. They don’t really remember Michael at all… They know him from the pictures, but they have no real memory of him.”
“And Emma?”
“Emma’s…bitter,” Luis admitted. “She’s still angry with the world—with God, with life. You just need to be angry at something.”
“Hey, I get that,” I said. “I was angry for a long time, too.”
“If I remember correctly, you were angry up until a few months ago—when you started dating Kristen.”
I smiled. “The easiest way to move on is to meet someone that can make you forget, someone who can make you hopeful again,” I said. “Not everyone is that lucky.
“No, I suppose not. I don’t think Emma even wants to meet someone else. It’s like Michael died only recently, the way she talks. It’s a hard thing to endure and… I just don’t want to put someone else through that.”
“By someone, you mean Catherine?”
“She’s a good woman,” he confided. “Getting involved with her and staying with her means that I’m opening up the possibility of a future with her, and that means marriage and children. I’m not ready to leave the military yet, which means she there’s a possibility she might end up as an army wife.”
“You’re scared that Catherine will end up living the life that Emma is currently living?”
“Yes,” Luis sighed. “Which is why I’m thinking of breaking up with her before I leave.”
“But you don’t want to?”