“How do you know that?” I asked, trying to wipe the tears from my face.
“Because no matter how hopeless things may seem at the moment, they can’t stay that way forever,” she said. “Trust me.”
I felt new sobs coming on, and I buried my face in my arms. A second later, I felt Kristen’s arms surround me. She was hugging me, and more importantly, it felt amazing. I felt myself lean into her until she was supporting my weight completely.
She was whispering things to me, but I wasn’t paying any attention to what she was saying. I just wanted to hear the sound of her voice.
“This is about your wife, isn’t it?” she guessed.
“Yes,” I said.
“It’s okay,” she whispered to me. “It’s okay to be sad about her. It’s okay to mourn her.”
I looked up, and Kristen’s hazel eyes were bright and beautiful. Her face was only inches from mine. “You look like her,” I said. “And when I see you with Noah… It makes me feel...”
I dissolved into tears as Kristen pulled me into her body. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I’m so sorry. Just cry…let it all out.”
And amazingly, I did. Minutes later, once all my tears had been spent I was able to look up at Kristen and feel oddly at peace, as though I had been released from my sorrow.
“I think that was why I freaked out anytime you got…too close,” I said, glancing over at her. “You just remind me of Daphne. You remind me of everything I could have had. I’m sorry for how I’ve treated you. I know how unfair that is.”
“You don’t have to apologize,” Kristen said quickly.
“No, I do,” I insisted. “I have to apologize twice over for treating you the way I have. You deserve better.”
Kristen’s eyes were filled with bright little dots of light. She looked conflicted for a moment, and I wondered if she was going to get up and leave. But then to my utter surprise, she leaned in and kissed me softly on the lips.
Chapter Eighteen
Kristen
There were still a few tears glistening on his eyelashes. He really was a beautiful man, and there was something intensely attractive about how vulnerable he was allowing himself to be in front of me. All I wanted to do was make him feel better. All I wanted to do was soothe him, body and soul.
Even his apology cut through me. I could tell he was sincere, and I could tell it was the broken man inside of him that had caused him to lash out and turn away from me. Hurt as I had been, I could understand where that had come from now, and I forgave him readily.
I stared at his perfect blue eyes, hollowed in with emotion. He was trying to sort out all the complicated feelings he had been avoiding all this time, and I could imagine how hard that was. A part of me knew that getting deeper into this with Jake was just leading up to heartbreak in the future, but how could I turn away from him now? Maybe this was the reason I had moved here to San Diego. Maybe I had come here to save Jake? And in saving Jake, maybe I could save myself, too.
I leaned in and kissed him softly on the lips. He froze for a moment, and then I felt him relax, and his lips responded to mine. It was a tender moment; there was nothing very sexual about it. It was deeper than that. It was about connecting; it was about letting him know I was there for him.
When I pulled away, Jake’s eyes were firmly fixed on mine. I r
ealized his hand was on my waist and even after the kiss ended—he didn’t pull it away.
“Should I have done that?” I asked softly.
“I don’t know,” he replied. “But… I’m glad you did.”
I smiled, moving to sit beside him so that we were shoulder to shoulder with our heads leaning against the wall.
“You know, it might help to talk about her,” I said gently. “Holding your grief inside all the time can’t be healthy.”
Jake looked towards me. “She was…brilliant and honest and beautiful. She was a lot like you.”
I smiled, pushing away the guilt I was feeling. “How did you meet?”
“We met in the military,” he told me. “We were in the same platoon at one point, and that’s when we fell in love. It wasn’t a typical love story by any means. We clashed at first, and I suppose that led to a lot of tension between us. At first, I thought that it was just a sexual relationship, but as the months drew on, I realized I had fallen for her.”
“And, she felt the same way?”