“How is Noah?” I asked, repeating my question from this morning.
“He’s good,” Jake replied. Then he let out a big sigh. “I didn’t know about his leaf project until you mentioned it.”
“Well…you’re busy.”
“Too busy for my own son?” It sounded like this was something he beat himself up about all the time. “I should have known about the damn project. I should have been there to help him with it.”
“That’s the thing about being a single parent,” I said comfortingly. “You can’t be there for everything.”
“He’s such a good kid.” Jake sounded sad. “He deserves better.”
“He has a father who loves him,” I said. “In my opinion, he’s already won. Trust me, I never had a father who cared, and it affected me a lot growing up.”
I felt instantly exposed as Jake’s eyes landed on me. In order to pass over the moment, I jumped ahead before he could ask me about my deadbeat dad or sordid past.
“Noah knows how much you love him,” I said. “He talked about you a lot when I was babysitting him.”
“Did he?” Jake asked, sounding pleased and maybe even a little hopeful.
“Of course,” I nodded. “He spoke about how brave you were when you were a ‘fighter,’ as he put it, and how you row boats now.”
Jake smiled. “He hasn’t quite figured out what I do now.”
“Give him a few years.”
“Right,” he laughed.
It was so strange to me how different he was. This was not Jake the CEO or Jake the single father or even Jake, Major in the military. This was Jake without all the titles and roles. This was the man as he truly was, without the constraints or responsibilities of all the things connected to him. It was this change that made me see what Daphne would have se
en in him all those years ago.
He was not just a handsome man. He was charming, he was funny, he was interesting, and in little unexpected moments, he could be vulnerable, too. I could sense that my attraction to him was beginning to grow, and it was starting to scare me. That was not the point of this dinner. That was not the point of me entering into his life.
“Jake?” I said, starting gently.
“Yes?”
“You never really explained to me why you got so mad that night before you…ah…asked me to leave.”
Jake smiled at the diplomatic way I chose to phrase my sentence. He paused for only a second, but I realized he wanted to answer me.
“I worry about Noah a lot,” he said at last. “He’s a sensitive kid, and he tends to form attachments fast—especially to women.”
It was the closest he had ever come to mentioning Daphne, and I felt a little pang in the pit of my stomach. I knew I was being deceitful by sitting opposite him without ever mentioning the fact that I knew his wife, but I couldn’t bring myself to say so now. I couldn’t bear the thought that he might get up and walk out. I wanted him to open up to me… That hope by itself told me that I was in way over my head, but it was impossible to extricate myself from the situation now.
“Oh,” I said, waiting for him to continue.
“He has only me, and I’m not around half the time. He doesn’t really have grandparents anymore, and my wife and I were both only children. After school, he spends all his time with Janet, and…she’s not the warmest person in the world. I don’t think she has much patience for children.”
“She did seem a little disinterested,” I agreed. “Mind you, I only met her for five minutes.”
“She came so highly recommended that I thought I couldn’t go wrong,” he sighed. “But I’m thinking of finding someone new for Noah. He needs someone who will love him, someone who will nurture him. It’s important for him to have a strong, healthy mother figure in his life.”
“Is that why you got so upset?” I asked. “You saw me with Noah and—”
“It stirred up a few things for me,” Jake said, interrupting me. “Some related, but others not so much. I’d just had a long week, and I had been drinking for the first time in months. The combination wasn’t the best.”
I nodded. “It’s understandable.”