“No, that’s not—”
“I don’t even want to look at you anymore,” I spat, turning away from her again.
I could feel her standing behind me, refusing to leave, hoping for my approval, my blessing. And yet, it was the oddest thing. I knew she was still there, behind me, but it was like she had already gone. I felt so completely alone at that moment that I realized I had already lost her.
“Jake,” she whispered my name. “Please… Please don’t turn your back on me.”
“Get out,” I said before I could stop myself. “Just leave me alone.”
I shook my head and focused on the coffee table in front of me. Noah’s building blocks and action figures were spread all over it. The memory had sobered me up, but it had also left me feeling deflated and hopeless. I got up and walked to the kitchen. The fridge was only half full, but there were a few containers that I didn’t recognize. I opened them up and found chicken and veggies. Despite having been refrigerated for a few hours, it still smelt good, so I microwaved a portion and ate leaning against the kitchen sink.
Once my stomach was full, I made my way down the hall towards Noah’s room. I realized his room door was slightly ajar. I glanced over at the opposite door where Kristen would be sleeping. There was perfect silence coming from inside. I pushed Noah’s door opened and peered in.
I stopped when I realized that Kristen was in the room with Noah. She was curled up on the edge of his bed with one arm thrown across the pillow. Noah was resting just underneath, snuggled into the curve of her body. His little hand was thrown across Kristen’s body as though he had fallen asleep hugging her.
I felt a pang when I saw the two of them like that, but I didn’t understand why I got so emotional at the sight. I happened to glance up at Noah’s chest of drawers at that moment, and I saw the small, framed photo of Daphne that I had placed there so that he would always feel like she was close by.
I stared at the picture for a moment. That photograph had been taken years ago, just before we had gotten married. Daphne was wearing a blush pink dress, and her auburn hair hung loosely around her shoulders. She was laughing, and her head was tilted up towards the sun. Her eyes weren’t clear in the snapshot, but it had always been one of my favorite memories of her. She had been more carefree back then.
Staring at her picture, the sudden realization that had been staring me in the face for months suddenly hit me. I balked slightly as I turned to Kristen to confirm what I had just realized.
They looked so similar to one another. That was what had been nagging me about Kristen this whole time. It was the reason I looked twice at her every time she walked into a room. It was the reason I thought about her sometimes at night without any rhyme or reason.
She looked like Daphne.
I walked into the room softly and looked down at my son curled up in Kristen’s arms. It was a beautiful sight, the way his arms clung to her, even in sleep. He had missed a mother figure in his life; I had known that for quite some time, I just hadn’t wanted to admit it to myself.
The more I looked at them, the more upset I got. I didn’t want Noah to form close attachments with random women who wouldn’t be in his life for long. The fact was that Kristen was not his mother, no matter how much like Daphne she happened to look.
As I backed away from the two of them, my feet against the floor made a scratching noise, and both Kristen and Noah stirred in their sleep. I saw Kristen’s eyes blink open, and then Noah reached for her and whispered a word that shook me to my very core.
“Mama,” he said.
I don’t know what happened. I just heard that word, and something inside me snapped. Before Kristen could respond, I had rushed forward and grabbed Noah from his bed and away from her. She gasped in shock, realizing that I was in the room.
“Oh my God,” she exclaimed as Noah looked a little scared and shell-shocked.
“Kristen,” I said. “I think you’d better leave.”
She blinked at me and rubbed the sleep from her eyes. It was clear she hadn’t changed into nightclothes. She was still in jeans and a t-shirt, and I was glad for that. It meant she didn’t have to stick around to change.
“Daddy?” Noah said, and his voice was confused and still a little scared.
“It’s okay, buddy,” I said soothingly. “You go back to sleep.”
As Kristen got off the bed, I set Noah back down onto it. I pulled the covers up around him and kissed his forehead. He was still drowsy with sleep, and I hoped he would go back to sleep easily.
“Come with me,” I said to Kristen.
I saw her look back at Noah and give him a comforting smile. Again, I saw his hand reach out for her. “Go to sleep, sweetheart,” she said, with a familiarity that I thought was presumptuous of her. “Sweet dreams.”
; We walked out into the living room, and I turned to face her. “I want you to leave,” I said bluntly. “Now.”
Kristen looked at the time instinctively. “Is something wrong?” she asked, in a concerned voice.
“Everything is fine,” I snapped impatiently. “I just want you to go. Get your stuff and leave—now.”