I watched her expression fall. And as much as I wanted to go to her, kiss her, make it all go away... I knew I couldn't. I knew I was being an ass, but this was about self-preservation. I was already more invested than I should have been, and there were so many reasons why this never should have started and so many reasons why it would never work. I had no intentions of ever moving to Portland, and she was going to be there sooner or later. Hell, she was there more than half the time now. I missed seeing her every day. I missed having lunch and dinner with her at random times. That would only get worse if I didn’t stop it.
“Luke, please.” A tear trickled down her cheek, but I just looked at the floor and then she walked away. I heard the sound of my screen door slam and then hers echoed. I punched my wall and yelled in frustration, leaving a hole I’d have to repair later. I knew she probably heard me, but I didn't care. I was so angry that she didn't think dinner with him was a bad idea. As far as I knew, she’d been with Chris all week. I understood that he worked there, but when she started meeting him for dinner and lunch, that was getting a little too much for me.
***
I watched her through my front window as she had left that morning after being home for two days, but when we saw each other, I would ignore her smile and grunt and walk away. The last thing I was going to do was put myself through another heartache when I could clearly see it coming. And when Ryan asked me what the deal was, I told him just that.
“You are an idiot,” Ryan said as he sprawled out on my couch.
“Why? Because I don't like the fact that my girlfriend was having dinner with another man and just forgot to tell me about it?”
“He works with her. Besides, I doubt seriously she is interested in that Neanderthal. She has better sense than that.” Ryan was always so sure of himself. “She isn't Bimbo Barbie, and she isn't cheating. Grow a set and apologize,” he demanded.
I wanted to, but I was mad and hurt more than anything. She felt she couldn't be honest with me, and even after we spoke that night, she hadn't said anything about having dinner with him.
“She lied,” I stated.
“She didn't feel the need to elaborate,” Ryan said.
“She omitted, same difference.”
“I don't think she did it on purpose.”
“Well, good for you. You date her then.”
“Don’t tempt me,” he gave me the look. “Seriously, dude. Don’t lose the best thing that could happen to you because you’re being stupid and stubborn.”
I was still angry, but deep down, I knew Ryan had a point. I wanted to talk to her, but she was gone to Portland. It wasn’t really a conversation I wanted to have over the phone. This was an apology I needed to make in person.
I was an adult, not a twenty-year-old kid, and even though everything pointed in one direction, I knew that Chris just trying his damndest to get under my skin. Chris had made promises and threats to me personally, and while Emmy was an amazing woman, I didn’t doubt he would do whatever to whomever—including Emmy—just to piss me off. I knew I should have acted accordingly, but even the idea of his hands on her broke something deep inside of me, and I wasn't sure that could be fixed.
“So, you done being a dick?” Ryan asked.
“No, are you?”
“I am not the dick in this relationship.” He motioned between us.
“Thank you, Captain Obvious, for the information.” I rolled my eyes, walked into the kitchen, and poured me a glass of water.
“Have you even talked to Emmy?” Ryan asked.
“Nope, have you?”
“I think maybe her phone is off. She texted me last night, but I haven’t been able to get in touch with her today.”
I sat the glass down, put my hands on the counter, and dropped my head between my arms.
“Did you talk to her while she was home?” he questioned.
“What was I supposed to say? How’s Chris?”
“You know it is all a show on his end. You cannot be that stupid.”
“It isn't about me being stupid. It’s about the fact that she wasn’t upfront with me.”
“You are seriously mad because her mom flaked on her? The same mom that made it a point to ask how Chris was so you would hear it over the phone? The same one who kind of did the same thing to your face at dinner that night?”
“It's just happening all over again,” I muttered.