"And get a DUI?" Anya asked. "Seriously, Quinn, are you looking out for him or trying to get him in more trouble?"
"She's right," Owen said. "I drank too much and I should just stay here."
I had nothing else to say. I tried to look in Owen's eyes, but he looked tired and drunk. Anya tugged on his arm, and he started to turn around and follow her back to his apartment. I wanted to grab him, to shake him, to make him see that I was not the one acting crazy, but I couldn't. It hurt too much.
I was tired of chasing after everyone else's problems. When I looked around, I saw Anya pining after a man that did not really want her. Owen was being set up by someone close to him. Trent was wanting to fix a mistake he could not take back. None of those problems were mine.
I could just walk away.
So I did.
I walked across the front lawn and wondered how long ago I should have done it. My whole life I was always tied up with Sienna's problems or plans. Or I was helping my mother cope with hers. Or I was trying to please my father. Or I was loving someone I did not think would ever love me back.
I should have just walked away.
The thought was freeing. I felt like walking out into the desert. There, at least, the cold and desolation would make sense. Freedom was supposed to be exhilarating.
Then I heard footsteps crashing down the sidewalk behind me and my heart started to beat again. I did not want to ignore other people's problems, I wanted to help, but first I needed someone to need me.
"Quinn, wait, let me drive you home," Trent said. He caught up to me and gave a sad smile when he saw my face. "Yeah, I know. You wish it was him chasing you. I wished you would have chased me to Vegas that night."
"The night you embarrassed everyone and tried to flaunt your 'boy toy' in my face?" I asked.
"I was trying to make you jealous, I guess. It was awful. I know," he said. "If it makes you feel any better, Owen's a wreck."
"How is that supposed to make me feel any better? Here I'm trying to help and nothing helps," I said.
"Quinn, sweetie, it’s not up to you to save everyone," Trent said.
Sienna flashed through my mind so sharp that I bent over as if her memory cut me. The tears started, ones that should have been shed long ago, and I could not stop. Trent helped me into his car, got in, and locked the doors.
"What are you crying about?" he asked. "It’s about her, isn't it?"
"She was mean," I said. "No one ever believed it, but she could be really mean. Still, I loved her. I only wanted her to be happy. I spent my entire life trying to keep her happy. Owen understands that. Maybe that's all we had. Maybe it was all wrong."
"I don't think any of that," he waved up to the still-crowded apartment, "has anything to do with your sister. I think that is a man who has loved you for a long time and let himself get scared."
"How would you know that?"
"Let me see, you two got close, like really intimate close, and it felt really good. Then, a bunch of his friends came around and he felt good enough to cut loose. Then, he drank too much and freaked himself out. The more he drank, the more he felt for you and the more he drank because it was a scary feeling. Then, he did something he never intended to
do and it screwed everything up," Trent said.
"Yeah, maybe. That might be right," I conceded. "It seems like something that might happen. I just wish it wouldn't keep happening to me."
Trent kissed my cheek. "How about I make you a deal? I'll drive you home and then I'll go back to the party and nut-punch Owen if he tries to do anything stupid again."
I laughed. "What's my end of this honorable bargain?"
"Just let me try to be your friend?"
"I'll try, but I might have to see it to believe it," I said.
Chapter Twenty-One
Quinn
I got home and found a note from my father. They had gone out to their favorite pasta bar for dinner. He promised to bring me home shrimp linguini – Sienna's favorite. The silly mistake broke free another sob from my chest.