I told myself I was looking for Winton, but I stopped when I saw Quinn in the front room. She was talking to a knot of Winton's race game friends. They were trying to sell her on the superior skills needed for virtual racing. She laughed but let them show her some of their favorite moves.
I could not get a deep breath. I considered the back patio again. Scottie was waving his hands at Alison as she stood with her hands on her hips. I checked out the front door instead.
The problem was that I knew Scottie was right. There were hundreds of ways to cover it up, dress it up, or ignore it. Still, I knew the truth and I was yelling it over and over at myself. I loved Quinn. I had probably always loved her. All the reasons we should not be together dissolved against the wave of relief I felt when she was near. Without her, I was always seeking.
"You look like you're ready to embark on a quest," a soft voice said.
I turned and found a petite redhead smiling up at me. For one moment, it was easier to look away from Quinn.
"I thought Light Slayer would be different in person. I mean, I hoped you would not be, but I'm surprised. You look exactly the same. Same intensity, same sense of purpose. It's impressive," she said.
I knew the flattering was only a temporary balm. I knew that indulging in it was cowardly and would cost me. But I could not turn back and see Quinn having fun with another man.
"How about we get a drink?" I asked. I held out my arm. "I hear someone was making flaming drinks in the kitchen."
The redhead smiled. "Hmm, I hope you like it hot," she said.
She stood up on her tiptoes and whispered in my ear. I did not hear what she said, but it did not matter. I let my gaze wander over her slender, lithe body and I licked my lips.
When we turned to head towards the kitchen, Quinn was standing in the hallway. "I guess I was just coming to say goodbye," she said.
"Was that your girlfriend?" the redhead asked, but it was too late.
I dropped her arm and chased after Quinn. "Are you okay?"
Quinn yanked her arm away and did not turn around. "I'm fine. It’s fine. I get it."
"Get what? Can we talk?" I asked. I reached for her shoulder again.
"Maybe I'll see you next weekend," she said and took off down the driveway.
I let her go. It felt wrong to be happy when Quinn was upset, but if she was upset, then she knew how I felt. Maybe she loved me, too.
Chapter Thirteen
Quinn
"Well, I for one am not going to tell you how to live your life," Darla said. "But I am going to tell you to drink this coffee. You don't look like you slept at all. Have you been crying?"
"No," I said. "That would be stupid. I don't have anything to cry about."
"No?" Darla asked. "So it would not have anything to do with that horrific dinner party your father threw for you or the fact that you went to a party to have fun and ended up seeing Owen licking his lips over some bottle-dyed redhead?"
I almost choked on a warm slug of coffee. "No. It has nothing to do with any of that. I just didn't sleep well. We start a whole new lab in nursing today. Maybe I'm nervous about that."
"Why would you be nervous? You cranked through all your catch-up work like it was nothing," Darla said. "And despite not studying last weekend, you still managed to pull off one of the highest test scores in the class."
"That doesn't mean I liked it. What's wrong with me, Darla? Why don't I know what I want to do with my life?"
"Because your life is not just some checklist."
"You're lucky. You know you want to be an artist, you are an artist," I said.
Darla fluffed up her hair. "So, why exactly am I paying all this money? Art is supposed to be one of those things that you just go out and do. Or maybe it’s one of those things that you have to master hundreds of techniques before you can really achieve it. See? I'm just as screwed up as you."
"So, what do we do?" I asked.
"Go to class," Darla replied. She threw open the door and blew me a kiss on her way out.