“Everything is just fine, I was waiting until we got back to the city to call you though, I didn’t want to have this conversation in the car with Bill sitting right there. We had a lovely time, by the way. I know I told you that when we were leaving, but I wanted to reiterate that to you. Bill thought Cole was very nice.”
“I’m sure he did,” I said, though what I really wanted to say was I don’t give a shit what Bill thinks.
“And I, of course, think Cole is wonderful, too. I’m so glad that I went over and introduced the two of you that day. Can you imagine if the two of you had never met? Wouldn’t that be awful?”
“I really don’t think that would happen, seeing as we live next to each other. If you hadn’t gone over there like that, I am pretty sure that we would have run into each other by now and made the introduction. You know, considering that I’m his son’s teacher and all, too.”
“Declan is pretty cute,” she said. “He’s nowhere near as high maintenance as some children his age. That really says something about Cole’s parenting skills.”
I tried not to roll my eyes, and then I remembered I was on the phone, so I was free to roll my eyes as much as I pleased. She was talking like she was some sort of parenting expert, or like she had this extensive experience in early childhood.
“Anyway, Mom,” I said. “Like I said, I was in bed, so is there a reason for this call, other than to commend Cole’s parenting skills?”
“Well, there is, actually. I’m calling because I think that you and Cole should... you know... get together. You should sleep with him,” she said.
“Seriously, Mom?” I couldn’t keep the irritation out of my voice. “You are seriously calling me right now to tell me this?”
“I’m calling because I worry about you sometimes, Allie, and I have often wondered what opportunities you have passed up simply because you’re completely unaware that they’re happening.”
“I really can’t believe you’re this concerned about my sex life.”
“Darling, you can’t have a sex life if you’ve never had sex before.”
“And so what if I haven’t? What if I decide I never want to have sex?”
“Well, frankly, that’s just not normal. I would be very concerned if you told me you really felt that way.”
“Maybe I do,” I said, even though that wasn’t the case at all.
There was a pause. I didn’t say anything; I’d let her think that I wasn’t normal, that she had raised a daughter who would rather be celibate.
“You don’t mean that,” she finally said. “And I know that you don’t mean that because the sexual tension between you and Cole tonight was completely undeniable. And that is really the main reason for my call. You might be blind to it, you might not realize that it’s happening, but everyone else there tonight was very well aware of it. So I’m just giving you this reminder, making you aware, so you don’t let another opportunity pass you by.”
“Oh, you mean like with Bill?”
Another silence now, a longer one. I hadn’t meant to say that—I wasn’t even thinking about Bill. Except that maybe I always was, maybe there was a part of my subconscious that had locked that memory away from that night so long ago, and I carried that with me now, and it was there, in the back of my mind, every time that I met a guy I might’ve been interested in.
“What do you mean, like with Bill?”
“If there’s any reason that I haven’t been interested in guys all these years it’s because of your husband.”
“Allie, I don’t even understand what you’re trying to say. Are you overtired? Maybe you should get some sleep. I was just calling because—”
“What I’m trying to say is that Bill tried to make a pass at me one night, when I was 15. You were out with your friends or something.”
“Allie!” She sounded horrified. “Stop making things up. Why would you even say something like that?”
“Because it’s true, Mom. Because you’re all worried and shit over why I’m still a virgin, and maybe I have a good reason to be! Maybe the first guy that’s ever shown interest in me was your fucking husband, and that traumatized me and made me not want to be with anyone!”
“Don’t you dare blame us for this!” my mother snapped. “That’s absolutely ridiculous. You’re being completely unreasonable. And concocting these bizarre little fantasies about Bill is just going way too far, Allie. It was painfully obvious that you liked him when you were younger, but everyone just thought you’d grow out of that. I thought it was a good sign, in fact, because it’s normal for young girls to develop a sort of infatuation with their fathers. What is that called again? That Greek name?”
“Electra,” I said. “But that’s not it.”
“And so I didn’t try to do anything to stop it because to me that meant you were accepting Bill as part of our family,” my mother continued, as though I hadn’t said anything. “I knew several women who had been divorced and were remarried and their children hated their stepfathers. I was relieved that it wasn’t the case with you and Bill. I felt like the three of us were really a family. It was nice.”
“You know, I might have, too, until he tried to climb into bed with me. That’s not something that normal fathers do.”
“I find it odd that I’m hearing about this now. Almost 10 years later. Why wouldn’t you tell me this when it happened? If it was so traumatizing to you, why wouldn’t it come up then? Why would you keep quiet about it?”