“Impossible,” I whispered to the empty room around me. I felt hollow. My head still hurting from crying for two days. I stood up and walked to the bathroom to wash my face.
My eyes were swollen, dark shadows circling them. I looked horrible and disgusting. “At least my insides match my outsides. No living a lie today.”
I returned to my bed after washing my face. I took my phone and hoped for a message from Hunter, but there was nothing. Instead, I dialed my mother’s number to call in sick.
After several rings, she picked up the phone. “Hello, Kylie? What’s the matter?” She knew me too well. It was way too early, and I didn’t get up until I had to most days. And it was never this early
“Mom, can I take the day off? I’m feeling a bit sick.” I laid in my bed, resting my head on the soft pillow I drenched with my tears last night.
“Of course, but are you okay? Do you want me to come over and bring something for you?” Her motherly instinct was too powerful to sense my pain.
“No, Mom. I’m okay; I can handle things. Don’t worry about me. I just need time to rest and sleep.” I did not want her to know what I was going through. She would get disappointed in me and Hunter, and hearing ‘I told you so’ wasn’t something I could stomach just yet, though, she was right. “I’ll call you later, Mom. Have a great day at the store.”
“Are you sure, Kylie? I can feel something’s wrong,” she asked again, pushing a little.
“Yeah, Mom. If I get better during the day, I’ll come by and help.” I closed my eyes, stopping my tears from falling. Pain ran through my chest, stinging me and making it so damn hard to breathe.
“No, don’t worry about it. Just rest and relax. I’ll come by after I close the shop to bring you something. Is that okay?”
“Sure, Mom. I’ll see you then.” I dropped the call before she could tell that I was crying. I sunk my face into the pillow, hiding. I hoped I could sleep again, but I feared that nightmares might come back and fuck me up good. I had nothing left to do. Either way, the pain would come and remind me of how shitty my life was before Hunter and Vince and that I hadn’t been good enough to hold onto it. It was all gone, and I was alone – again.
I laid there a few minutes longer before realizing that I had to do something, talk to someone. Bailey. She would be there for me. She always had been before.
*
I drove to Bailey’s with my head in the clouds, my thoughts consuming me the entire way. I got out and walked to the door, knocking twice and moving back. After a quick inhale and a short coaching session in my head, Bailey opened the door, and Cat pounced on my legs.
“Ki-we!” The cute little thing tried to pronounce my name.
I smiled and patted her hair, showing my appreciation for her sweet welcome.
She moved around me and huffed. “Where’s Vince?” Her tiny voice was oozing with cut
eness.
“Come on in, my friend.” Bailey reached for me, pulling me into a hug. I kept her a little ways away during the embrace thanks to the messed up apron she wore. It was stained with splatters of food coloring and icing as if she battled it out with baking items as weapons. I wrinkled my eyes, baffled by why she looked awfully messy.
“What the hell happened here?” I asked her, surprised by the bizarre, speckled form she presented before us. Cat looked at her mother then laughed at her, finding it funny to see a living rainbow in front of her.
“I was baking for you, you idiot! Where’s Vince? I thought you might bring him with you. I made some sugar-free pancakes in rainbow colors today.”
That explained her untidy look. Emotion choked me up, and I wasn’t able to get an answer out to her just yet.
Bailey and Cat trailed behind me as I walked to the kitchen, wiping at my eyes the whole way.
“Kylie, are you deaf today, silly?” Bailey pulled me to a stop from behind.
I turned and pressed my hands to my face as a soft sob left me. “I’m sorry.”
“Hey. Come here.” She pulled me close and held me. “What’s going on? Did something happen with your momma?”
“No.” I pressed into the hold, warmed by Cat’s response to my pain. The little girl was wrapped around my leg, holding me as well.
“Hunter told me to leave them alone.” I was speaking as clearly as I could, but my voice was thick through my tears. “He even told me that I would never be Vince’s mother. I’m just a nobody.”
“What?” She moved back and smoothed my hair. “Most men are douchebags, but I thought maybe Hunter was different. Obviously not.” She shook her head as another wave of tears tore me up.
“I don’t know anything right now.” I wiped at my face, feeling stupid for falling apart again.