Our dorm was empty when I walked in. For some reason, I couldn’t bring myself to turn on the lights. Instead, I closed the door behind me, jumped into my bed, and hugged a pillow close to my chest. I tried to stop crying, but the harder I tried to stop, the more I cried. Finally, I just gave up and let myself go. After the first hour, my nose was blocked, and without even looking I knew my eyes would be puffy, red, and swollen.
I kept reliving the night in my head, over and over again until I wanted to scream. It just didn’t make sense to me.
It had felt as though Chance and I were on the right track. As far as I was concerned, we were madly in love and ready to embark on our life together after my graduation. I had genuinely believed that there was a good possibility he might have asked me to marry him. So, to be faced with a breakup instead was hard to wrap my mind around.
And yet, at the same time, a part of me believed him when he had said he was over me. The insecure part of me acknowledged that it made sense. A guy like Chance, who was smart, handsome, and well traveled, would never be interested in someone like me. I had just started to get comfortable. I had just started to feel safe, and now I felt as though my entire world were spinning off its axis.
On an impulse, I reached for my phone and dialed my mother’s number. I was desperate for some comfort, but I had no idea what I was going to tell her.
“Hi, darling,” Mom said. “This is a nice surprise. I didn’t expect to hear from you tonight.”
“I…uh… I had some free time,” I said, struggling to keep my tone even. “I just thought I’d call and say hi.”
“Darling?” her voice was instantly alert. “Are you okay?”
I was on the verge of spilling my guts, but I stopped myself at the last moment. I didn’t want to upset my parents, and I knew that mum would worry more than she needed to. I realized that all I really wanted was the comfort of hearing her voice.
“I’m fine, Mom,” I said, as my voice became stronger. “Just a little tired.”
“I thought you might be,” she agreed. “I was going to call and congratulate you tomorrow, seeing as how you’re finally done with finals.”
“Yeah… I can’t quite believe it.”
“How is Missy?”
“She’s good,” I told her. “She’s at the library at the moment.”
“Has she finished with her finals?”
“Not yet,” I replied. “She’ll finish in a couple of days.”
“That’s good; and how’s Chance?”
Hearing his name sent a sharp pain shooting through my chest, but I bit my lip and maintained a tone of calm as I replied. “We broke up, Mom,” I said calmly.
“What?”
“Yeah…”
“Oh, darling… When?”
“Uh… a few days ago,” I lied smoothly. “We decided to end things.”
“It was a mutual decision?”
“Yes,” I replied. “No. Well… It was a little more mutual in his case than in mine.”
“Oh, darling…”
“I’m okay, though,” I said, and I actually sounded like I was. “I’m doing okay...”
“You’re sure?”
“A hundred percent,” I said. “Don’t worry about me.”
Mom was silent for a moment. “I know I don’t have to worry about you, Natalie,” she said gently. “You were always so strong.”
“Me?” I said, in surprise.