What must he think of this?
As Kasey watches me quietly, my head is filled with all the times my mother hasn’t been there for me. I’m suddenly remembering all the times she was out drinking instead of picking me up from school on time. I’m thinking of all the times she was out with her friends instead of coming to my recitals. I’m thinking of how when I told her Scranton was my professor, she already knew and thought it was funny.
I’m thinking of how I didn’t tell her about Dominic because I knew she’d blame me.
Who does that?
Who blames the person who got cheated on?
Shouldn’t the cheater be the one who gets blamed?
That’s not how my mom will see this, though. That’s not what she’ll think when she finds out what happened between us. No, she’ll think I did this on purpose. She’ll think I pushed him away, so he had no choice. She’ll think I was bad in bed, so it was only natural he turned to my cousin.
She’ll think everything is my fault.
I feel like my entire view of her is being shattered as Kasey watches me, waiting to hear what I’m going to say back to her, only I don’t have anything to say because honestly, I know she’s right.
I just don’t want her to be.
“Bailey, your mom is never there for you.” Kasey runs a hand through her hair. The effect is ruined by her huge milk mustache, but Cooper hasn’t said anything yet, and I’m not going to, either. She can be a little bit embarrassed. Just for a little while.
“I think that’s enough,” Cooper begins, but I hold up a hand.
“It’s okay, Coop. She’s right.”
“I am?” Kasey’s eyes go wide. “I mean, I think I am, obviously, but I’m surprised to hear you say it. You’ve always been so supportive of your mom.”
“I think you’re right about everything. I’ve just been too blind to see it.” I turn to Cooper and smile wistfully. “Sorry, Cooper. You had no idea what kind of crazy you were walking into when you started dating me. I get it if it’s too much for you to handle.”
He laughs and pulls me close.
“This is nothing, baby. Nothing. You have a crazy mama. So what? We all have some sort of issue. All of us. Every person on this beautiful planet has some issue that makes them hard to live with. Yours isn’t so bad in the grand scheme of things.”
“What’s yours?” I ask before I can think about the consequences of blurting it out. Immediately, I regret speaking, and I slap a hand over my mouth. Kasey squeaks, then leaves the room quickly, obviously not wanting to witness this.
But Cooper doesn’t freak out. Instead, he rubs my back slowly.
“I don’t want to tell you,” he says. “Especially not now. I suppose it’s as good a time as ever, though.”
“Tell me what?” I ask quietly, my heart sinking a little. I try to brace myself. I don’t want to, but it’s time. It’s time to accept the reality of the situation. Cooper Lance is perfect. He’s everything I could possibly want in a guy, but there’s something he needs to tell me. It’s so horrible that he doesn’t want to.
Maybe it’s my own awful history with men, but to me I’m wondering if this means there’s another woman.
Has he fallen for someone he works with? An Air Force girl would be perfect for him. They could talk about their jobs and uniforms and duty stations. They could eat at the chow hall together and they could hang out in the common room at their dorms.
They could do anything. Everything.
Besides, what do I really have to offer a guy?
Despite being one of the best new students at Club Kitten, my self-esteem suddenly plummets as I wonder what horrible news he’s going to drop on me.
“I’m going to deploy in a couple of weeks.” He looks sad as the words fall from his lips. “And I don’t know how long I’ll be gone.”
Chapter 9
Cooper
My words hang in the air between us, but Bailey looks confused: not scared.