I could see the change in her as well. Maybe it was wishful thinking, but to me, it seemed like she was happier. I didn’t catch her drifting off or looking sad nearly as often.
I walked through the main doors of the building and practically glided down the hall. When I opened the classroom door, there she was. It always made my day to see her first thing in the morning, usually wearing one of those flowing dresses she favored.
“Good morning,” she said, greeting me with a lovely smile and a steaming cup of coffee.
“What’s this?” I asked, taking the cup.
She smiled. “You’ve bought me coffee a couple of times. I figure I owed you.”
“Thank you. This is really nice, but you don’t owe me. I owed you if you remember, right?” I took a sip of the hot coffee, letting it mingle with the electricity already running through my veins. I felt on fire!
“You seem, different,” she said, looking at me with a strange expression on her face. “You seem… happy?”
I laughed. “I am. I mean, I’m not down, so I guess that makes me happy.”
She nodded, but still seemed to be sizing me up. “Did something happen? You get a raise? Or did you win the lottery?” she joked.
I shook my head. “Nope, just an ordinary day.”
I couldn?
??t very well tell her that she was the one making me happy. That would freak her out, and it was way beyond the line of appropriate behavior between student and teacher. I want to tell her because I want her to know how glad I am to have her in my life, but I can’t. I know I should completely back away from her and end the friendship we have, but I can’t. I don’t think I could get through this part of my life without her. I’ll figure out a way to keep it professional and not cross any lines. Well, any more lines.
Students trickled in, but they didn’t share my excitement for the day. Today we were staying in. We needed to review all that we’d learned in the field, and I couldn’t afford to have them distracted by the water. Everyone took their seats.
Tessa walked over and handed me the stack of papers that she had neatly stapled together. “Here you go. I’ll let you hand those out. They don’t look happy,” she whispered and winked before walking away.
Ugh, she left me wanting more with a simple wink. Her closeness had given me a quick dose of her fruity perfume. I wanted to grab her and bury my face in her neck, inhaling nothing but her scent. The image nearly made me groan aloud.
I cleared my throat and began distributing the study guide to each student, hearing the grumbles and complaints as I moved throughout the room.
“You could use it and pass the test tomorrow with flying colors, or you can sit here complaining and fail. It’s up to you,” I said from my spot at the front of the room.
“Suck it up, guys. Did you actually think there wouldn’t be a test?” Tessa chimed in from the corner.
Her words were blunt, and they seemed to have hit home. Finally, they all sat up and prepared to be taught. This was why I needed her in my classroom and couldn’t afford to lose her to some silly infatuation. I definitely had to cool it.
As the students filed out, I walked over to Tessa. “Thanks. Sometimes they seem to shut down the minute I open my mouth. You always manage to know exactly what to say.”
She laughed. “Oh, I don’t know about that. I really wanted to tell them to quit being a bunch of babies and suck it up. I don’t understand why they think tests aren’t going to happen. Do they realize they are in school?”
I smiled as she ranted. She tended to get pretty fired up very fast. “You’re right, but trust me, these aren’t the first or last students to bitch about tests. I think we are born with the natural instinct to reject the things.”
That got a giggle out of her. “You’re right. I have a test tomorrow I’m not looking forward to, in fact. I probably got the same look on my face when my professor announced it was coming.”
Nodding, I stepped back when she stood. I don’t want to risk being too close. Honestly, I don’t know if I can control myself.
“I’ve got to go,” she said, smiling and racing out the door. I watched her leave on the run, reminded that she is a college student after all. I have to remind myself of that. She still has this school year until graduation, then the hardship of finding a job that uses the degree she worked so hard to get. All that stuff was in my distant past, and it was then that I realized the reality of the age difference. She has so much life to live and a lot of exploring to do. I’d already done all of that and was in the part of my life where I settled down. Why am I attracted to her? She isn’t anywhere near the same place as I am. It would never work. It is simply not worth the risk to explore a relationship with her when it would never go anywhere.
Jake. I need to talk to Jake. He’ll take me out and introduce me to ladies more suited to my current place in life. I’m dreading it, but I know it has to happen. I have to get Tessa out of my head, and there is only one way to do it.
I shot him a text. Call me.
The phone rang within seconds of me hitting the send button.
I answered. “Don’t you ever work?” I asked, by way of greeting.
“Yes, but I’m in my office so I can talk when I want. What’s up?”