As I drove, I thought about all the things that my mother and sister had told me and realized now that they were right. I wasn’t the homewrecker here. Christina was. If I really loved Ryan, I needed to not give up until it was blatantly obvious that I had lost. I pulled into the neighborhood and around the corner, parallel parking in front of their house. The downstairs lights were on, but the top floor was dark, making me assume that Kayla was fast asleep already. I left my purse in the car and walked quickly up the walk, knocking hard on the door and standing back, feeling my heart beating out of my chest.
I could hear footsteps walking toward the door, and I took a step backward, not wanting to be seen through the peephole. As the door opened, I saw Ryan’s face, and I had to push down the urge to jump into his arms and feel his warm embrace. He tilted his head and smiled, a welcoming gaze staring out at me.
“Alissa,” he said with surprise. “What are you doing here?”
I stood there for a moment, unable to speak, running through all the speeches I had played out in my head when I was on the way over here. For some reason, all the gumption and passion were stuck in my chest, and I couldn’t even get a word out. I wanted so badly to tell him how I felt, to make him understand that he was making a mistake by letting Christina back into his life as anything more than Kayla’s mother. I took in a deep breath and put up my finger, letting my heart start to slow down. I needed to calm down, to gather myself so that I didn’t just start talking in riddles like the day outside of his office. I needed to be clear and concise in my feelings so that he knew exactly what was on my mind and I had no regrets if this didn’t turn out like I wanted it to.
“May I come in?” I looked behind him and saw Christina, who seemed more than displeased that I was there.
“Of course,” he said, stepping back and watching me as I walked past.
I glanced up at her and took another deep breath, trying to ignore the fact that she was now standing, her arms crossed in front of her, with no intention of leaving us to talk in private. I was glad she was there, but I was also glad that it was a surprise, because had I known, I might not have come over. She needed to hear what I had to say because she needed to understand that she was the person here who was breaking up something amazing. She needed to know I wasn’t trying to take her place as Kayla’s mother, but I did have every intention of making sure she did not get back together with Ryan.
“I didn’t know you were coming by,” he said, glancing up at Christina. “I would have been alone if I had known. We were just discussing the outings for next week before she went back to the hotel.”
“I don’t care about her,” I said, flipping my wrist as I turned to him. “I have nothing to hide, and she can hear every word I have to say to you. None of it should be a surprise to her, anyway. That being said, where is Kayla?”
“Oh, she is at my father’s for a few days,” he said with a smile. “She was really missing some Grandma and Grandpa time.”
“Oh, good,” I said, letting out a deep breath. “Then I can speak freely.”
“Of course,” he said, smiling. “What is going on? Is everyone okay?”
“Everyone but me,” I said, looking up at him and watching his face turn to concern. “Ryan, listen to me. I care so much for you and Kayla, more than I ever thought possible. I love you. That’s no secret, and you did love me before Christina came back in the picture.”
“Alissa, you know love doesn’t just fade away that quickly,” he said, looking up at Christina. “At least, it doesn’t for me.”
“Good,” I said, letting out a deep breath. “I don’t want you to have a relationship with her. She doesn’t love you, and you know that. I want us to be together: you, me, and Kayla. What you decide to do about Christina and Kayla is between the two of you, but I can’t go another day without you knowing how desperately I need you in my life. The two of you have brought my world into color, and I can breathe when I am with you. I don’t know the easy answer to all this, and how to keep Kayla from being hurt again, but I know that I can’t just let you go, either of you. I want to be in your lives, and more than just random holidays and family gatherings. I want us to be together.”
“You have some nerve,” Christina said from the background, forcing me to turn toward her. “You come marching in with your holier-than-thou attitude, preying on two people who were grieving their broken hearts, making them think that they love you, and now, you want to come back and make it worse for them. You are nothing more than a little jezebel, hell-bent on breaking up our family. We have history. History that you can’t just undo by walking in here with your fashionable clothing and a swish of your hips. Ryan knows that our family needs stability. That little girl needs me to be here with the both of them, t
aking care of them. The last thing they need is some little twit thinking she can breeze right through and wreck our home because she put some fresh paint on the walls and tried to make me disappear. Guess what, homewrecker? You can’t get rid of me that easily, and if he really loved you and not me, he would never have let you go.”
While part of me was livid that she had the audacity to speak to me in that tone after I was the one here helping to clean up the devastation she left behind, the other part of me was desperate for both of them to know I was not a homewrecker. I wasn’t trying to erase Christina from Kayla’s life. I was just trying to get back to Ryan where I knew we both belonged. I looked over at Ryan who looked back at me, his eyebrows furrowed. I took a step toward Christina and put up my hands.
“Christina,” I said. “You have to know that is not what I am trying to do. I am not in any way trying to take you out of Kayla’s life or replace you. But you know just as well as I do that you don’t love Ryan. You are just looking for somewhere to land.”
“How dare you?” she asked. “And I know you aren’t trying to replace me. You could never live up to the woman that I am. You are a pathetic little bitch, and you need to take your last-year style, ugly loafers and walk back out of here, forgetting about Kayla and Ryan forever, because they are my family. Not yours.”
“Enough,” Ryan yelled loudly, startling me. “Christina, please just shut the fuck up, because you are not part of this family. You gave up that right when you signed the divorce papers. And I swear to fucking God, if you ever speak that way to Alissa again, I will throw you out on your ass myself.”
I turned, surprised, and looked at Ryan, whose face began to soften as he turned back to me. Christina was silent in the background, and my heart was racing a million miles a minute. I thought for a moment he was going to yell at me, but relief was definitely present after he put Christina in her place. I stood there waiting. I stood there watching Ryan and hoping that whatever came next didn’t involve telling me to leave. This was where I was supposed to be.
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Ryan
My hand reached down and grasped Alissa’s wrist, and I squeezed hard as I looked down at her brave face and smiled. I turned and looked at Christina, who was standing there with her arms crossed in front of her, her foot tapping on the floor. I took a step toward her and stood tall, not willing to take her shit for even one second more.
“Do you want the truth?” I asked.
“Of course, Ryan,” she said in her fake sweet tone.
“I have been trying so hard since Alissa called me and told me that I should give you a chance to come back in our lives for Kayla,” I said, ignoring her look of surprise and glancing over at Alissa. “I have been racking my brain on how to make this work, but to be honest, I am just tired of it. I’m tired of trying at something that my heart just isn’t into.”
“Ryan—”
“No,” I said, putting up my hand. “Let me talk. I have watched you so closely since you came back, and I have made excuse after excuse in my head for the way that you’ve been acting. I have given you chance after chance, hoping that I was making the right choice for our little girl, but you have done nothing but show me that you don’t actually like being back with me and Kayla. I didn’t send Kayla to my father’s so I could spend time with you, or to give her time with him. I sent her there for a few days to give her relief from this hell. She has been coming to me over and over again, asking me why you were so mad at her. Do you know how much that breaks my heart that my daughter has to ask me why her own mother is angry at her? Your actions have alienated you, and you have driven Kayla even further away from you.”