I glanced down at Alissa as she laid there bundled up in the blankets that we’d just put on the bed, staring out at the television surrounded by blank walls. The photographs we’d ordered wouldn’t be in for another week, so she put up all the cables they would hang from, and I told her that I would gladly install them. However, I had a feeling that if I had it my way, she would be around for that. It really came down to the fact that I wanted to be with her, to pursue an actual relationship with her. I couldn’t hold it back any longer. I just needed to tell her. I took in a deep breath and cleared my throat, turning the volume down on the television.
“Alissa,” I said, watching her look up at me and smile. “I want us to be together. I don’t want this to end with just sex. I want more.”
“I feel the same way,” she said, reaching up and kissing my lips. “I have felt that way for a little while now, but I was afraid that you didn’t feel the same. I’m relatively shy when it comes to men, and I wasn’t sure what you were looking for, after what you’ve been through.”
“It’s been a really long time since I’ve felt this way about someone,” I said, realizing I was just going to have to be honest. “It was no secret that I loved Christina very much and was completely blindsided by her choice to leave. Looking back at it, there were quite a few things, red flags, if you will, that I was willfully blind to during the end of our marriage. Either way, she really did a number on me.”
“I can imagine,” Alissa said in a caring voice. “I want to make sure you are ready for something else more serious.”
“I didn’t even think about it until you came around,” I said honestly. “The thought wasn’t really in my consciousness, but I know I care about you very much, and I am extremely attracted to you. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about you, and that is enough for me to know I can’t let you go.”
“I’m glad to hear you say that,” she said, kissing my cheek.
“To be honest, Christina tore my heart out and then stomped on it,” I said, laughing. “I was pretty torn up for a while, and I was avoiding even thinking about relationships like the plague. But I know I am ready to try again, if you are willing to be a bit patient with me.”
“I am probably the most patient person you know as long as you communicate with me,” she said, smiling. “I really feel like almost everything in life can be solved through communication. I mean, don’t get me wrong. I know there are just some serious assholes out there who have zero respect for the women they are with, but in most cases, it doesn’t have to be a fight or a surprise. Obviously, Christina was unhappy with something inside of herself, which wasn’t your fault at all. What she didn’t do was communicate that to you so that you could be aware and adjust yourself to help her through it. Instead, she flew off the deep end, and I wonder how she thinks about herself now.”
“I’m sure she isn’t happy with herself,” I replied. “But that isn’t my concern anymore. The place where I could help her was abandoned a long time ago. And I’m okay with that now.”
“I really thought I would never settle on dating someone seriously.” She laughed. “I’ve had one hell of a time finding a guy that I just clicked with. I have a really old school, romantic idea about relationships and marriage, something that my sister doesn’t have. She is so free-spirited, so okay with finding the right guy through trial and error. I believe that relationships take work, good and bad, but in the end, they can be some of the most beautiful things in your life.”
“And painful,” I responded.
“Very true,” she said. “I find at my age, one of two things have happened. Either guys are still in that play the field mode, with little to no interest in any kind of adult relationship, or they have been burned so badly that they have no idea what it means to be in a relationship. Girls are just as bad, though. There are very few women left that think the way I do. Most of them are like my sister, free roaming and not interested in the old school partners kind of relationship. It has definitely been a pain in the ass to find someone.”
“With as sweet as you are, I figured you would have men knocking down the door,” I said, smiling.
“I kind of gave up on love, I guess,” she said. “I figured that eventually, it would come, and if it didn’t, then oh well. I was working on my career, going through life, and just doing me. That is, until you called me up.”
She smiled and poked me in the side, laughing. I loved to hear about the way she thought about things. It was extremely refreshing, and she made me feel good about how she felt about me. It was like I was chosen, and that made me feel special. Everything seemed to be falling into place just as I hoped it would. It was definitely unexpected, but I was glad that it happened. It had been a very long time since I felt happy and at ease, and that was exactly what I felt like at that moment. I pulled Alissa closer to me and wrapped my arms around her, kissing her on the forehead and reaching for the remote to turn the volume back up.
“Wait,” she said, reaching out and touching my hand. “I think it’s important that we talk about a few things first. We can’t pretend that our relationship isn’t a bit odd, as far as our parents being married. We also can’t pretend that this doesn’t affect your daughter as well.”
“As far as what other people think about us, I don’t care,” I said with a sigh. “I am sure that our families will be fine with it, as long as we are happy. As far as everyone else, they will make up their mind one way or another. There is no stopping them on that one.”
“Okay,” she said. “I agree with that part. I know my sister and my mother will be supportive, so I’m not worried about anyone else’s thoughts. What about Kayla? I’m not sure that now is the right time for us to talk to her about this. It’s a delicate situation, and with the possibility of her mother randomly showing up, I think it could make this really hard. However, she is your daughter, and I will support whatever decision that you make.”
“I’m definitely not ready to have this discussion with Kayla,” I said, sighing. “I wish things were different, and she could be happy for us, but I know that it would probably be very hard for her. She has been really happy lately, but it’s still early, and I’m worried that something like this could shock her back into her depressive and angry mode. She still doesn’t understand that her mother and I are not getting back together. It’s all very emotionally draining for her, especially since she can’t connect the pieces.”
“I agree with you,” she replied, shaking her head. “She’s emotionally unstable, and I wouldn’t want this to be the cause of pushing her back over the edge. Besides, things are very new for us. In reality, we don’t know what will come from all of this. As much as we would like to think it will be perfect, we are both smarter than that, and we know that things don’t always work that way. It would be better for us to see where we go as a couple before letting Kayla and the world in on our secret.”
“I agree,” I said, kissing her forehead. “I kind of like the idea of having your undivided attention, anyway.”
“Me too,” she said, smiling.
That smile was definitely going to get me in trouble, and I was looking forward to it.
Chapter Sixteen
Alissa
It had been several weeks since Ryan and I had made things official, at least between the two of us. We’d made sure to make time to spend together, with the help of Kayla’s babysitter, who was now back on duty watching Kayla whenever Ryan needed her. At first, it felt strange sneaking around behind everyone’s backs, spending time in unlikely places, but after a week went by, I was liking the alone time more and more. It gave us both a chance to really focus on each other and get to know each other on a level that most people weren’t able to. We didn’t have the clamor of outside voices poking their nose in, and although we knew it was only temporary, we loved having a drama-free relationship where the only two people that we had to watch out for were each other. It was definitely something I wasn’t used to.
So many men along the way had been the kind that would look out for themselves before they ever thought about me. Ryan was different, and he made sure that I was okay and comfortable at all times. We hadn’t told Kayla that we were dating yet. We were still getting acclimated to that ourselves, and we wanted to make sure that no one, especially Christina, was going to screw that up for us. She hadn’t come over to the house yet, which Ryan had been waiting on, but that didn’t mean she wouldn’t show up. Hopefully, we would be able to get Kayla used to the idea of Ryan and me dating before her mother came in and pulled her back into her grasp. I knew that I would look like the villain to Kayla. She had no idea what her mother had done. I accepted that, though, and knew that eventually she would understand.
Everything had happened so fast that we really didn’t have much of a plan. We were just enjoying our time with each other in the hopes that everything would sort itself out in the end. The subject came up a lot, and we ended up pushing it off just a little longer. I was starting to question whether we were doing it for our own selfish reasons or to protect Kayla. I guessed it was probably a little bit of both.
It was April, which meant it was gorgeous outside, though on the hotter side of things. Ryan and I grabbed an early dinner at a small café on the edge of town, making sure that we didn’t run into anyone that we knew. In reality, we weren’t really people who were big into public displays of affection, so it would be