“But he has his new wife now, and you, and Kayla, of course,” Juan pointed out happily. “That was probably enough to bring the man back to his senses.”
“It sure was,” I said.
“How is little Kayla doing?”
That was a tough question, but Juan understood a little more than most because he was there when I told her that her mom wasn’t coming back. He saw how badly that broke her and how much she didn’t understand. Hell, I didn’t even really understand, so all we could do was be there for her, comfort her when she cried, and try to make her think about other things. I was in bad shape, too, and that was where Juan’s sister came into play, keeping everything together until I was done grieving.
No, my ex-wife didn’t die, but it almost felt like she had, with the stages of grief flowing through me. When my father stepped into the picture, things started to turn around for Kayla, and my father’s new wife was a big part of that. They almost didn’t want to leave to go on their trip because of her, but I assured them she had to move on at some point, and I would be there for her.
“She’s doing okay, all things considered,” I said with a sigh. “It’s tough for her, you know? She is only 7, so she doesn’t understand the adult part of it. All she sees is her mom isn’t there anymore, and I am. She kind of wavers between blaming me and being angry at her mother. I am there for her as much as I possibly can be, though work right now is demanding. She also has my father, his wife, and their family, which has been a godsend as well. She’s actually been with my stepsister these last few days since I’ve had these emergency jobs pop up.”
“That’s good,” he said. “You know how important family is. I know that you know this, and I know that you’ve had a hard time since Christina left, but you need your family now, more than ever. Family and the sense of family didn’t leave with her. It’s still there. It’s just a new dynamic. You have to stop and remind Kayla how important that is so she knows how supportive everyone is being. I don’t mean to tell you how to parent. I’m sorry.”
“No,” I said, chuckling. “Believe me, at this point, I can use all the advice that I can get. But you’re right. The more supported Kayla feels, the more she will start to come out of this funk. All I get from her now is attitude. But there are moments, especially when she is playing with dolls or talking to her grandfather, that she really shows how young she is. I feel like part of her innocence was ripped away. It’s tough.”
“I can’t even imagine, dude,” he said.
“Hey, Juan,” one of his workers yelled across the lawn.
“Yeah, I’ll be there in two seconds,” he said, yelling back and then turning to me. “Well, not to cut this short, bro, but duty calls.”
“Aww man, no worries,” I said, leaning in and hugging him. “We will catch up soon. Tell your family hello for me.”
“I will, and you do the same,” he said, waving as he jogged across the lawn.
I smiled and turned back around, heading back to my side of the street. My guys were almost done with everything, and those that had finished their tasks were cleaning off the equipment and loading it back onto the truck. I started to think about everything that Juan had said, wondering if I was missing something in my life. My relationship was better with my father, but he had been distant for years after my mother died. Between that and Christina leaving like she did, I could feel that I had some major trust issues with people, even Juan. I was gun shy when it came to getting close to anyone in any capacity.
My last best friend ended up stealing my wife, but like he said, I guess you can’t have something stolen that you never owned in the first place. Sometimes, I got to a point where I wondered what I could have done differently in order to avoid this. I wondered if I had paid more attention to Christina, worked less even, if she would have run off. In the end, though, we acted like we had the perfect life, and she never gave me cause to think otherwise until it was over. I could feel that familiar lump in my chest.
I walked ov
er and began to collect and clean equipment, needing to change how I was looking at the world. I had Kayla, and she really needed me to be strong right now, especially with her being so young. I didn’t miss Christina anymore. I knew that, but I think I missed the normalcy of it all, and I missed not seeing pain in my daughter’s eyes every time I looked at her. She needed normalcy, maybe not from her mother, but definitely in her life. I sighed, realizing that things would never feel the same for her again, not even for a second.
Maybe they wouldn’t be the same for her, but that didn’t mean they wouldn’t be good. She and I just needed to get to a better place today so that we could look forward to tomorrow. I knew that another woman would someday come into my life, but right now, I wasn’t sure that was what I needed. Still, just having that thought pop into my mind made me think of Alissa, which I immediately felt guilty for. She was so beautiful and bright, but she was my stepsister, making her not a very good candidate for a woman to date. I shook my head again. Why was I even thinking about that? I glanced down at my watch and realized I needed to get finished so I could get home and let Alissa go home. It had been a really long, hot day, and my mind just wouldn’t shut down.
Chapter Four
Alissa
Taking care of a kid was a bit of a challenge for me. I had always been excellent with children, but for some reason, it was hard with Kayla. In reality, even though I thought of her as family, she really didn’t know me at all, and it was probably difficult for her to see how we were now connected. I looked down at the mac and cheese I was cooking her and stirred, hoping this was a good enough dinner for her. Ryan would be home soon, and he could feed her whatever after that. I tried talking to Kayla, maybe forming some kind of bond, but she had barely spoken to me since I started watching her, nearly a week ago now.
When she got home from school, she finished her homework, and I played a couple of games with her, but her attention span was short-lived, and she looked bored as hell. She mostly stayed in her room, listening to music and reading her books. She had a pretty impressive collection of books and was very advanced in her reading level for someone her age. I was pretty sure at 7, I was still reading If You Give a Mouse a Cookie, but not Kayla. She was reading full-on chapter books. I was never much of a reader, so I tried to find common ground elsewhere. She did offer up a tidbit of information, telling me she really liked baseball, but I barely knew anything about it, so it was difficult for me to hold a good conversation with her about it.
I drained the pasta into the colander and finished up preparing it just as Kayla bounced down the stairs and around the corner. She seemed disappointed when she walked in the kitchen, but I tried not to take it personally, assuming she was just hoping to see her father. I pulled down a bowl, poured some of the mac and cheese into it for her, and watched as she pulled herself up to the breakfast bar.
“Do you eat up here a lot or usually at the table for dinner?”
“Lately, here,” she said, pausing. “When my mom was here, we always ate at the table, but dad doesn’t want to anymore.”
I shook my head, feeling bad for asking the question. It was really hard to know what to ask, especially since everything in Kayla’s life before her mother left was centered around Christina. I knew it was hard for Ryan, but I couldn’t even imagine how hard it was for Kayla. She had to change everything about her life, and she no longer had that strong figure to fall back on. I could remember how much of a role my mother played as I was growing up, especially as a young girl. She was my comfort zone, my rock, and I could talk to her about anything. I couldn’t even begin to understand what it would feel like if one day, I had just lost her and had to figure out how to navigate this big world without her.
I tried to figure out things to talk about, making sure that my tone was cheerful and kind, especially since I could almost feel the pain radiating off of her. I knew my presence there was probably difficult, especially since I had to at least take care of the technical things that her mother used to do. I was just really hoping that as her new aunt, I would be able to be a strong woman in her life. I guessed it would take a bit of time. I leaned up against the counter and could feel my heart breaking as she sat there, sullenly eating her noodles. I wanted to hug her and tell her everything was going to be all right, but I was still a stranger to her, and it was obvious that she was having some serious trust issues with everyone in her life at that time, even her father.
“What have you been working on in school?”
“I don’t know.” She shrugged. “This stupid future jobs project.”
“That sounds interesting.” I smiled. “What’s it about?”