Gina shrugged. “A while ago. Jess said it helped keep my clothes clean.”
“She was right,” I said absently.
I placed the stool next to the counter while my mind filled with thoughts of Jess. There were little reminders of her throughout my house. My chest tightened, thinking of the impact Jess not only had on Gina and me but our lives.
“I’m ready, Daddy,” Gina said, bringing me back to the present. Her apron almost reached her toes. I tied the back of it so it wouldn’t trip her.
I lifted her up onto the stool and made sure she was firmly in place before bringing the eggs closer to her.
“All you have to do it crack the egg on the side of the bowl, like this,” I showed her.
She grinned from ear to ear. “My turn!”
I allowed her to crack three more eggs for practice, though we didn’t need that much for the egg wash, but she was having fun and learning at the same time. And it gave me some time to finish cutting the bread into thick slices.
After picking out several egg shells from the wash, we were ready to dip the bread. That task was easier for Gina, albeit a bit messy.
By the time I placed the toast down on the frying pan, the countertop appeared as if someone had doused it with eggs. Though, the smile on Gina’s face was worth the wreckage.
“We have powdered sugar,” Gina said, pointing at the corner cabinet.
I opened it and retrieved the can of sugar.
“Jess always sprinkles my French toast with sugar. It’s mmm-mmm-mmm!” Gina rubbed her belly for emphasis.
I flipped the toast, and the cooked side was a delicious shade of dark brown. Though, my stomach was still tied in knots. Gina and I hadn’t thoroughly discussed the issue of Jess as of yet. And I knew it was a matter of time before she asked. Especially since I was hunting for a new nanny for her.
There was no better time than the present. “I want to talk to you about Jess,” I said.
Gina sighed. “When is she coming back?”
“She’s not,” I said, ripping the band-aid off. There was no other way to sugar coat it for her. And I wasn’t going to hire Jess back. I couldn’t. And I doubted Jess would accept the offer if I did.
“She doesn’t love us anymore?”
“No, honey, Jess does love us. It wasn’t working out, though.”
“Why?”
That was the question, wasn’t it? Days after firing her, my motivation for the termination of her employment eluded me. I had been in a fog between work and not sleeping well.
“It wasn’t working out with her,” I said weakly.
Gina wrinkled her nose. “Am I ever going to see her again?”
I wanted to say no, but I also didn’t want to ruin the weekend for her. “Maybe.”
“That’s good,” she said. “I miss her a lot.”
And I had to admit to myself that I missed Jess a lot as well. More than as someone to watch Gina. Jess had burrowed her way into our lives and hearts, and there was no way I could ever forget her. But Gina was my priority. I had to get her nanny situation figured out before too long. Maybe at that point, I could work on healing my heart.
Later that afternoon, I decided to work from home for a little while. I’d set a timer for myself for one hour to get some emails answered. Allison already booked several interviews for Monday, and that simultaneously relieved and frightened me. Moving on so quickly from Jess didn’t seem right, but it was necessary.
I sat in the family room on my laptop while Gina worked on the quilt on the floor. Every now and then I glanced over to make sure she didn’t poke herself with the needle. But Jess had been a good teacher.
I shoved Jess out of my mind and got back to work.
When my hour was almost up, Gina jumped up from the floor and opened up the quilt. “It’s finished, Daddy!”