I was, and my stomach growled to prove the fact, making her laugh. Rebecca kissed me again and pushed herself up to go to the connected bathroom. She came out in a robe. I stretched and looked around for my pants.
My phone was sticking out of the pocket, and I froze for a second. Holy shit. I never told Mom I was going to stay here. I was a grown man who had been on my own for a long time now, but I knew my mom deserved to know that I was safe.
Rebecca headed towards the kitchen with a smile on her face. I grabbed the device and checked it to see a text from Mom. She was going to be so mad at me. I was a little shit in high school and terrible at telling her where I was, but being with Rebecca eased her worries.
Mom: I had a feeling you wouldn’t be home last night.
I shook my head. She wasn’t worried. Mom was fucking thrilled about this. I laughed as I told her where I was in a message. I dropped the phone on the bed and slipped my pants on, buttoning them as I slid the phone in my pocket. I left the bedroom to go through the bright house, finding her making coffee in the kitchen with a carton of eggs on the counter.
“Mom sent me a text at some point saying she didn’t think I was going to be home last night.” Rebecca smiled at me. “That was such a setup.”
“I don’t have a ton of food right now, but do eggs and toast sound good?” she asked me. I nodded with an easy smile. “I have to go grocery shopping.”
“I’ll take you,” I offered.
She poured me a cup of coffee. Rebecca handed it to me and leaned up to kiss me before she got to work on breakfast. I made sure she was good before I wandered around the living room. She’d made it her own in some ways, but I recognized all the family photos from the many times I’d been over here. I glanced towards the kitchen and wondered how she’d ever leave this place and all the memories. Was I enough for her to start over?
Rebecca finished the simple meal, and we set the oak table before sitting down to eat. She sat near me on the side facing the window, sipping her coffee. I took in the quiet as I sat beside her, knowing that I’d hear all the people and traffic of New York if I were home. My place was high up on an upper floor, but any time the windows were open, you couldn’t escape the noise.
“Do you really enjoy living in New York?” Her question broke into my thoughts, and I looked at her in surprise. Could Rebecca read my mind?
“I do. Life is always moving there, Rebecca. There’s always someplace to go, something to see, and a great place to get a meal. It’s a beautiful city.” I looked at her.
She shrugged.
“I don’t like the idea of life moving so fast. I like to take every moment in, like this.” She waved a hand around, and I glanced around the room. “This is a gift, Austin. I can sit here and taste this food, see the wind blowing outside of my sweet little house, and feel the peace that surrounds me. How often do you even spend time in your house there?”
I thought about it for a moment. She gave me a knowing look. “Not that often. I sleep there, and when I’m awake, I am usually working.”
“That’s not how it’s supposed to be.” She shook her head. “Mom always told me that life was a gift from God, and it won’t last forever. She made me promise her that I’d do my best to enjoy every moment of that. I don’t want to regret rushing everything later.”
“I enjoy it. I like things that way.”
She searched my face as she broke off a piece of toast.
“What about a family, Austin? Are you going to have one there?” I almost choked on the coffee that I was drinking at the bluntness of her question. That was something I never considered in New York. “Have you considered children at all?”
“I suppose,” I said as the answer formed in my head. “I never pictured it happening with my life like this. I want my kids to grow up with parents like mine were, and yours. I want to have the time to commit to them and teach them, but I can’t see that happening with my career.” I looked at her, seeing her wide eyes. “In New York, everyone hires nannies for their kids. You see it everywhere, and I hate the idea of my kids being closer to their babysitter than they are me. I know that I could give them a full-time mother, but I want to be involved as well. Even with his hours, my father was always there for me. I want to do it all like he did for me.” I shrugged. “I made my bed by building this career, Rebecca. I might not ever have a family, but there’s more to life, isn’t there? You don’t have any kids.”
Something darkened in her expression. She took a deep breath and nodded.
“You’re right. I don?
?t, but it hasn’t felt right yet to me. It doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t love to fill this house with babies and take care of them.” Rebecca looked around slowly. “Mom also told me that I'd make time for the important things in life. I saw them do it for us tirelessly, dropping everything if we needed them. I know it wasn’t easy for them, but all of us? We were happy.”
I knew that about her family, as well as my own. Most everyone in this town was happy, and I always saw them taking care of others as needed.
I thought about New York for a moment. It was so different than what I saw here. While I always dreamed of living there, now I wondered if it was what I truly wanted. I loved my career and the hours that I put into it, but I had little time for anything else. I enjoyed being here and relaxing, despite all the problems that surrounded the new deal. It still wasn’t New York, and the idea of returning to that life filled me with dread.
Nothing was permanent there. Any relationship that I’d had with a woman lasted a few months at best since I didn’t want to invest in anything real with them. It was a few nights out on the town and some sex at the most before it fizzled out. Most of the women didn’t seem to care about holding onto me. There were the Mias out there that wanted her name in the media and would use me to do so, but I knew that her behavior was not based on any real feelings for me. I hadn’t considered telling a woman that I loved her since leaving North Reed, and even now, the words were on the tip of my tongue as I looked at Rebecca.
I could look at my phone and see several contacts, but were any of them true friends? Would they make time for me if I needed them like any of the people I knew in this town? Would they do anything for me if there wasn’t something in it for them?
I was always paying for nights out at clubs in the VIP section with my social group, realizing how much all of that added up to. I had parties and dinners with both friends and clients to get more business and wealth. It was always about my money, and I seriously doubted if they’d be in my life without it.
Was I willing to change my life to pursue new goals? Was Rebecca willing to change something to have a life with me?
I finished breakfast, and we washed the dishes together, making small talk as we worked. I knew that Rebecca was aware that her words made me think from the way that her eyes met mine several times throughout the task. The woman always made me think, and I knew that I’d have to make some choices about my life.