I was going to try and show Damian that I’m just as worthy of being here as he is by playing strong right from our first scene together. Instead, I’m going to be doing exactly what he tells me to do because there’s a reasonable chance he’d ridicule me otherwise.
“You’re pretty,” he says. “You haven’t done any porn, have you?”
“Excuse me?” I ask.
“You’d be surprised how many people in our business have dabbled,” he says. “Most people who start out that way don’t really make it past the occasional cameo or early morning talk show, but there is a more substantial population than you’d think who owe very successful careers to the fact that at one point in their life, they fucked for money. I’m not saying everyone does it. I’m just saying that I’ve been around it enough to have some wisdom on the subject if that’s something you’d like to talk about.”
“I haven’t done any porn,” I tell him, “but thanks for asking. It wasn’t presumptuous or asinine at all.”
“You’re sarcastic,” he says. “I wonder if that’s because you’re seeing the humor in the moment or if you’re hiding behind a smile, hoping that nobody sees what’s really going on inside you.”
“We’re ready,” the prop guy calls out to the director, who makes a few last-minute adjustments before we’re anywhere near action.
“You think you know everything about people,” I tell him, “but you don’t.”
“I never said I know everything about people,” he answers. “I just know what it’s like to show up on set and feel like, at any moment, everyone’s going to realize just how far from good enough you really are and they’re going to send you back to the Midwest or wherever you came from. The ones that end up doing porn are usually from the Midwest,” he continues, “that’s why I’m asking.”
“I’ve never done porn,” I tell him.
He was right on the verge of saying something helpful. I’d thought he actually did say something helpful, but he just kept talking until I was cured of that opinion.
“I was right about the rest of it, though,” he says, “wasn’t I?”
“No,” I tell him. “I know that you’d love to see me as some shriveling neophyte who’s so overwhelmed by the big lights that she feels helpless without your guidance, but I’m here because I earned it, you smug son of a bitch.”
“Calm down. I’m not saying you didn’t earn it,” he says. “I’m just saying that I know the feeling.”
“Let me guess,” I start, “this is the part where you tell me how you used to feel that way when you were first starting out, right? It might be thoughtful if it weren’t so incredibly condescending.”
“You’re not quite right,” he says. “I still feel that way.” He leans toward me and whispers, “Do you really think that I would get as belligerent as I just did because I looked the wrong way and got light in my eyes? I did that because I’m terrified of everything that comes after he says action. Every second those cameras are going is a separate opportunity for me to fuck it all up and bring an end to my career, just to prove how not good enough I really am. I’m not saying you feel that way because it’s a weakness or some obstacle you’re just going to get past. I’m saying you feel that way because it would be inhuman not to.”
“All right, and Emma, you’re out of the room, coming in to confront your husband about the affair,” Dutch, the director, calls out.
I walk to my place off-camera and wait for my cue.
This is the part of the movie where Charlotte, that’s me, comes home to find a half-naked woman climbing down the drainpipe from the bedroom window on the second floor and confronts her husband about it.
As this is a comedy, my husband is a well-known, septuagenarian standup comic, and Damian comes into play here, as he’s my husband’s granddaughter’s English tutor who overhears the argument and quits his job in solidarity with my character leaving her husband—it’s kind of a reverse Jerry Maguire moment.
This isn’t my first scene of the day, but it will be the first one with Damian. I’m not entirely sure how he did it, but with his confession, I’ve forgotten myself to the point that, if I’m not careful, I’m going to end up liking Damian Jones.
Chapter Two
Managing Expectations
Damian
“I’m thrilled to be working with her,” I tell Kandice from KNTV-L
A. “I think she’s a promising, up-and-coming actress and I think you’re going to be amazed when you see what she can do.”
Honestly, I didn’t think she was that great today. Maybe it’s just nerves, but she’s stretching to make a B-list showing.
Still, the PR thing to do is to be nice and appear excited about my costar.
“So,” Kandice from KNTV-LA says, “you’d say that working with Emma Roxy has been an overall positive experience?”
I’ve never known why people are interested in shit like this.