“Never mind,” he says and starts walking away. “It’s really none of my business.”
“What?” I ask.
He stops and turns back to face me. “Remember what I said about his soft spot. Churchill’s always been an idealist, and that extends to the people in his life — the ones he finds interesting, anyway. People like you, that is. He’s not an easy one to really know, but once he lets you in, he has a tendency to leave himself open to all kinds of disappointment.”
“I don’t know what you’re asking of me.”
“Just do me a favor and don’t lead him on,” he says. “If you don’t feel about him the way he feels about you, don’t pretend like you do. I’ve seen the poor young man hurt more by the people he admires than by anything else. If it weren’t for his idealism, I’d dare say he’d be bulletproof.”
“I’ll keep that in mind,” I tell the doctor. “Thanks again for all your help.”
“Really,” he says, “it’s nothing. Just uploading a few things here and slipping a file with some notes and scans there and my part in this is over. Just remember, don’t let them know what you’re doing or all will be lost!”
“Oh, will you get out of here?” I smirk.
“I just wanted to get one more of those in,” he says, and then he just walks away.
Well, that was easy enough, kind of.
I don’t know what Dr. Marcum thinks my motivations are with Jace or what Jace might have told him about me outside of my oligodendroglioma, but I’m getting the feeling that something might actually happen here.
The question is, am I ready for it?
***
Jace asked me to meet him after I was done with Dr. Marcum, but I think I’ll let him sweat for a while. After all, he was apparently the brains behind the whole con at the restaurant.
In my mind, I’m trying to convince myself that even if Jace and I were to start something, it’s not like we’re in a serious relationship or anything.
The problem is, despite the fact that we’ve only shared one interrupted kiss, with the time we’ve been spending together and especially with his willingness to put his career on the line to give me a shot at a better prognosis, if things do start happening, we’re kind of going straight from zero to 75 miles per hour right out of the gate.
I may have mixed a couple of metaphors there.
Anyway, I’m not sure if I’m ready for that kind of commitment.
Shit. And I was directly involved in helping him leave his girlfriend.
Okay, maybe Dr. Marcum had a point. Still, it’s early, and nothing has really happened yet. Maybe we can find a way to compartmentalize the other stuff and if things take a romantic turn, then we can just see how it goes from there.
I finally give Jace a call and let him know that I’m done with his mentor and ask him where he’d like to meet. He says he can be at my apartment in 20 minutes, so that’s the plan.
Okay, I’m in my head about this and that’s never a good thing for me. I tend to overthink things to the point that I lose any ability I may otherwise have had to find the best course of action.
Maybe this isn’t such a bad thing. I have spent a fair share of my masturbatory time fantasizing about what it would be like to have someone to wake up next to in the morning.
With that said, it’s been a while since I’ve been in a serious relationship, and I’m not sure that I’d know what to do with one if it fell in my lap.
I get back to my apartment before Jace arrives, and I decide to just sit back and think things through before he gets here.
I’m just sitting down when the knock falls on my door. “Fucking hell,” I say under my breath.
I open the door and Jace walks in, saying, “I hear you had quite the morning.”
“Yeah,” I answer. “I hear you had something to do with that.”
“I suppose I did,” he says. “Well, I know how much you were looking forward to some deep throat action-”
“Excuse me?” I interrupt.