“All right,” I tell him, “but if I end up passed out in the back of some guy’s van, I’m going to kick your ass.”
“Oh, I’ll be fine,” he teases.
He’s kind of a smug bastard, isn’t he?
I force a smile and reach for the drink when the bartender grabs my hand.
“Maybe you should slow it down a bit,” she says.
“I’m good,” I lie. I am a cheap drunk.
“Well, I’ve seen you in here before and this is the first time I haven’t ended up dumping your drink.”
Mike just looks at me with that big, stupid grin.
“He’s my designated driver,” I tell her.
Mike’s not happy to be volunteered for such a position, but he seems content enough to see what I’m like drunk.
To be honest, so am I.
Chapter Two
Paper-Thin
Dane
“I don’t know,” she says as we’re walking out of the club. “My roommate really doesn’t like it when I bring guys home.”
“I don’t know what to tell you, then,” I say. “I’m still waiting for the callback on my new place. We could always go back to my hotel room, but—”
“Fuck that,” she says. “Did you ever see that show where they took a black light into a hotel room and had some guy explain all the different fluids and shit?”
“Yeah,” I say. I wanted to ask “Which one?” but it doesn’t really matter. I know where she’s going with this.
“All right,” she says. “We can go back to my place, but you’ve got to be quiet.”
&n
bsp; “It’s not me I’m worried about,” I mutter, trying to hide my smile.
“What was that?” she asks.
“I said that it’s not going to be a problem,” I lie. Eh, it’s close enough to the truth.
It’s bad form to brag about one’s prowess. It just makes you come across deluded. Better to let her find out, that’s what I always say.
“All right,” she says.
She’s buzzed, not drunk. I’ve never liked getting with a drunken chick. Too much hassle, nowhere near enough reward.
We get a cab. The driver cringes when Buzzed Girl undoes my pants in the backseat, but the man doesn’t say anything about it.
“Do you want me to go down on you?” she asks.
Now there’s a stupid question.
“Yeah,” I say, “why not?”