“They are called assistants. Ever heard of 'em? Seriously, dude, they not only do all the grunt work, but they also bring you coffee and snacks, and, oh yeah, they generally have really nice asses to look at as they are running off to get your shit done.”
Of course, his solution had to do with bringing a woman into the mix. I wasn't even the least bit surprised. Still, it was a solution worth considering. “I don’t know, man. And why do you just assume I would have to hire a woman? Why can’t we get a male assistant?”
“Um, first off, total sausage fest. There are enough swinging dicks in this room already. I think some feminine company on the road could help keep things in line. Secondly, they just smell better. Plus, they’re just more fun to look at.”
I frowned at him, but I had to admit that he did have a point in terms of getting an assistant. Not necessarily the other stuff, of course. It didn't have to be a woman, and even if it was, it didn't have to be an attractive one. No, efficiency and reliability were my top priorities in
that regard. But yeah, getting an assistant in on the mix really could help to make things go a lot more smoothly for sure.
But at the same time, I hated bringing a stranger into the mix, and a woman at that. There was already the possibility that complications could arise with the band, as they had in times past, and I certainly didn’t want any sort of tension to get between us by adding a new element.
However, there was absolutely no way I could handle managing the tour all by myself. Not even a chance. And with these bozos not being able to do pretty much anything aside from play their instruments and rock out, it was quickly beginning to look like I'd have no other option but to hire somebody, as much as I wasn’t sold on the idea of someone outside our circle handling some of the load. Sometimes, the only solution was the uncomfortable one, and it really didn't seem like there'd be any other way to do this.
I sighed and shrugged my shoulders, conceding to the idea. “Screw it; I guess I’ll make a few calls, see what’s out there. I have a business contact that has a staffing services agency that can probably hook us up,” I said.
“Why don’t you give him a call this afternoon, before we start partying at your place tonight?” Jeremiah suggested.
I supposed there was no time like the present to get the ball rolling.
“Yeah, I think I’ll do that. And no, Tal, we are not getting some groupie-wannabe tour manager just for you to play with. I’m finding someone professional, reliable, organized, and detail-oriented. And if she happens to look like the rear end of a donkey, so be it.
“And before you ask why... It’s so that, as you said in your own words, she can keep you assholes in line. I’m not playing road mom, not again, not this time. Without someone focused and disciplined to hold everything together, this whole thing is gonna fall apart. I refuse to let that happen. Not on my watch. We are not going to disappoint millions of fans out there, not if we can help it. And you guys better remember that.”
“Road mom,” Talon snorted. “You were kinda like that last time. I remember you having to hold Jay’s hair more than a few times while he puked his guts out. My apologies for being too busy puking in the shower to help.”
I rolled my eyes and shook my head. “You two together are like drunken Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb.”
Both of their grins only widened at my comparison. Those two had way too many stories from the road before and would no doubt get their asses into some more trouble this go around. I just hoped, for our sake, this time it wouldn't require any bail money. I'd had enough of postponing gigs because of having to haul those two out of jail cells.
“All right, enough goofing off. Let’s work through a few more songs before we break. We can start with the one Jeremiah wrote.” I tried to bring things back to order.
The others grumbled, albeit jokingly, and we all got back to business mode. We worked through five more songs before calling it quits, then I excused myself and headed to my home office to make that call regarding a tour manager. The phone only rang a few times before a familiar voice picked up.
“Hey, Mike,” I greeted him. “I need your help with something.”
“Owen, good to hear from you, man! Hit me – what do you need?” he asked from the other end of the receiver.
“I need an assistant. Preferably female,” I explained, rattling off the long list of my own qualifications and even a couple Jeremiah had suggested.
I tended to be picky when it came to hiring people to work with in any capacity. I liked to think that was one of the main reasons I’d become so successful. My high expectations made me careful in choosing who to do business with and who I hired to help me run my record company.
“I think I can help you out. I have a few ladies in mind who'd fit your bill. When did you want to set up interviews?” Mike asked after taking in my laundry list of needs.
“How does Monday afternoon sound? Think you can get some candidates together over the weekend?” It was a lot to ask, but I was confident Mike could do it. He’d found me some great talent to work at the record label before on short notice. I’d never worried about him delivering.
“Of course, man. Don’t even sweat it.”
“Perfect. Thanks so much,” I told him. “I’m so ready to get back on tour, but not quite willing to deal with every single aspect of it by myself again. I mean, I really just can't, there is simply way too much to do. And, as usual, the others are not the planning, organized types,” I said just as a belch and laughter came from the other room with perfect timing. I shook my head.
Mike laughed on the other end. “Totally understand. And, you gotta keep those assholes in line, too. Especially that brother of yours and his sidekick. Instigators—that’s what the two of them are. But don't you worry about the admin side of things. I'll find you the perfect person to keep everything under control while you guys do what you do best: rock people's socks off.”
“Exactly. Thanks again, Mike. I really appreciate it. I’ll talk to you later,” I laughed and hung up the phone. He had heard most of the stories from the road during our first stint and knew exactly what I was talking about. And I’m sure having done this before, finding touring assistants for other bands, he knew exactly what to look for.
Still, I couldn't help but feel a bit apprehensive. While touring with just dudes sometimes stunk, quite literally, I didn’t want to find myself feeling self-conscious or distracted by a woman during the whole tour. And I certainly didn't want anyone else getting distracted for that matter. Things had to be damn near close to perfect this time around. This was our big comeback tour, and I didn't want anyone to blow it.
Chapter Two
Nalia