“Probably both.”
It was nearing dinnertime when we arrived back, and I saw Cassidy handing everyone’s meals out to them. I knew she wanted to talk, but I had to make some phone calls. My energy was ramped up for the things I wanted to do for my family and I couldn’t stop for anything.
“Heath, I need you to do something for me, and you can’t tell Dad,” I said when I got a hold of him.
“I’m not going to keep secrets from Pop,” he said with trepidation.
“Just listen to me first and then you can tell me if you can do it. Okay?”
Heath did not sound thrilled to listen to what I had to say. He didn’t even seem interested in talking to me on the phone, but I wasn’t doing this to make them love me or be nice to me again. I was doing this because I truly wanted their lives to be better. Even if they continued to push me away, I was going to continue to move toward them. I was going to show that I loved them and would help care for both of them as much as I could.
“Fine, what’s up?”
“I’ve got to set up some business legal stuff. Can you send me the name of the funeral home’s mortgage company? I’d like to see if they can finance a project I’m doing. Oh, and I need the name of that local bank down the street from Dad’s house, if you have that.”
“Sure, I’ll email it to you. Do you have access to that?” my brother said with as little enthusiasm as possible.
“I’m sure I can manage it. Thanks, Heath.”
“Sure, talk to you later,” he said in an effort to get off the phone as quickly as possible.
“Wait, how are you doing?” I managed to squeeze in before he hung up.
“What?”
“How are you?”
My question seemed to surprise him, and it made me feel horrible. He wasn’t used to me asking about his life. I typically just complained about mine or we had some sort of other awkward conversation or argument, and then we hung up. A few months down the road, we might speak again.
“I’m good, I guess.”
“Any ladies in the picture?”
Heath laughed the question off, but then as I sat silently, he decided to answer. Heath was a handsome guy with blond hair and a muscular build. There really was no reason that the women weren’t throwing themselves at him.
“Pretty hard to get a woman when I still live with Dad. I tried buying my own place, but it will probably get repossessed soon. With the mortgage and second mortgage Dad has on the funeral home and his house, there’s not enough money for me to move out.”
His words cut me hard and it hurt that I hadn’t noticed their struggles before. I really had been too wrapped up in my own world to even see what they were struggling with. Money was something I could easily give my brother and father, yet I hadn’t even tried to help them out.
“That sounds very difficult.”
“I better get going. We have a lot to do this week. I’m glad you’re doing better,” Heath said and then quickly got off the phone.
I stood at the nursing station for a few minutes, sort of staring off into space as I processed everything. It was eye opening to realize that I might have been just as wrong in my relationship with my family as they had been. For years, I had blamed them and taking on some of the blame myself was an entirely new emotion for me.
“Everything all right?” Cassidy asked as she stood next to me.
I wasn’t sure if she was talking about my phone call or what was going on between the two of us, but the answer was the same.
“Yeah, I think so.”
“I saw you signed up for yoga tomorrow morning. That’s brave. I don’t even wake up that early. I couldn’t imagine trying to do those crazy poses.”
“Just going to give it a try. Thought I’d see how it suits me.”
“Good for you.”
“I better get going, lots to do. Have a good day working,” I said as I went to my room.