When I opened my eyes, I saw Erik praying, as well as Brad. It was all we could do. There was nothing else we could offer Brianna as she fought as hard as she could to live through her addiction.
Chapter Ten
Erik
I hadn’t prayed since the day before my mother had been taken from me. But in that moment, as I watched Cassidy say a prayer for the new girl who had basically died in her room that morning, I had to pray.
Something inside me said it would help. I couldn’t explain it. I didn’t even know if I believed God was out there. But there was a drive deep inside of me that called me to do everything possible for this poor woman.
I didn’t know what it was like to be married. I didn’t know what it was like to be a parent. But I did know what it was like to regret. I prayed for Brianna and that if there was a God, He would keep her safe. I prayed that God would give her a chance to make things right and be the mother she knew she could be to her children.
My own mother had believed so powerfully in prayer that the moment made me feel closer to her. Even if I didn’t believe anything good would come out of that prayer, at least I had the joy of feeling close to my mother for the tiniest of minutes.
“All right, everyone, I know we are all worried about Brianna, but we need to keep going with our day. Cassidy, can you start handing out lunch, please?” Mr. March interrupted.
“Yep,” she replied with a fake smile plastered across her face.
It was hard to imagine that we were supposed to continue on with our day like nothing had happened. Something very bad had happened and I wasn’t really in the mood for sitting in boring group meetings while I talked about my plan for the future.
We were all oddly silent as lunch came around. Brad didn’t even bother to complain or ask what his meal was made of. Every one of us was thinking that what happened to Brianna could have easily happened to any of us. Hell, it had pretty much happened to me, although I only remembered the hospital and not the paramedics rescuing me.
“I don’t feel like groups today,” I said as Jarrod came around to gather us all up for afternoon group.
“You’re coming,” he said.
The firm expression on his face made it clear that I was attending group whether I liked it or not. Reluctantly, I went to afternoon group. He could strong arm me into attending, but he certainly couldn’t force me to participate.
Everyone from my unit was in group that day. I assumed that Jarrod had strong armed them like he had done to me. None of us looked like we wanted to be there, though. I know I kept thinking about the night I had fallen into the pool and how it could have been my last day. I imagined everyone else was thinking about the incidents that happened to them which could have been their last days.
“So, let’s talk about it,” Jarrod said. “We just saw a woman die and be brought back to life by a shock from a couple of paddles. What’s that feel like?”
He let the silence linger in the room as he waited for someone to answer. He waited, and waited; it was clear that Jarrod wasn’t going to move on until someone answered the question he posed to the group. He was a stubborn man and usually got his way with us. Eventually, someone always broke down and started to talk.
“It feels like shit,” I said to appease the silence.
“Why?”
For God’s sake, now I was going to have to keep talking. I shouldn’t have opened my big mouth. Nothing about the group session that day appealed to me. I had no urge to dredge up my emotions and I knew that thinking about Brianna’s incident was bound to stir something up inside of me.
“Because she had her whole life ahead of her,” I added.
“Has! She has her whole life ahead of her,” Kimber screamed at me. “She was alive when they left. She could make it.”
“I hope she does.”
“Okay, Kimber, you seem pretty emotional. Tell us how you are feeling,” Jarrod asked.
I was grateful for the attention being taken off of me. There wasn’t much that I felt I could add to the conversation. My brain was all twisted up with memories of my own past, and I could hardly keep myself together. I bet other people said that I had my whole life ahead of me and why would I have done what I did.
There was a lot of truth in the idea that I could see what was going on for other people better than myself. But really, I did have my whole life ahead of me. I was young, had money, a couple good friends, and if I could get a handle on the addiction I was realizing I had, I might even have a good life in my future.
“I’m pissed. Okay. Is that what you want to hear?” Kimber screamed. “She was a young, beautiful mother, and God is an asshole for doing this to her.”
“God did this to her?” Jarrod asked.
“She did it to herself,” I said almost under my breath.
“Don’t be an ass,” Kimber yelled toward me.