“Yeah, thanks for pushing us.”
“You’re a leader to these patients, Cassidy. Always remember that your actions can guide others.”
Wow, Melanie was profound in her words. I hadn’t known her all that much since she had started working at Paradise Peak, but she knew about my past. We had talked on a couple of occasions and I remembered thinking she could never really understand addicts, since she hadn’t been one herself. But as we stood there, looking out over the city of Aspen and relishing our accomplishment, I realized she probably had a much better understanding than even I had.
I didn’t feel like a leader, though. I could barely maintain my own sobriety, so feeling responsible for helping others get sober seemed a tad bit overwhelming for me. But I would deal with it. I would deal with anything I had to in order to keep my life moving forward and on a good path.
Two years before, I could have easily killed myself with all the stupid life decisions I was making. It felt good to be finally making some decisions that were better for me. I even considered going on another damn hike with Melanie some time – but perhaps when the snow had melted and the weather was better.
Our bodies were sweating from the amount of work we were doing, but the sweat was making us cold because of the weather. It was certainly time to get back down to the treatment facility, and maybe even have some hot chocolate.
“Now can we go back down? My balls are falling off,” Brad said through his shivering teeth.
We all laughed and together started our trek back to the facility. It was much easier to get back down than it had been to get up there, and I enjoyed that part of the trip the best. I could hike down mountains all day long, I thought to myself.
BILLIONAIRE IN REHAB PART II
Chapter Six
Erik
“I’m not bringing your breakfast in there, so if you want to eat, you’re going to have to crawl out here,” Cassidy said from the doorway.
“Come here.”
“No, you’re probably naked or something. I’ll be out here. If you want to talk to me, you’ll need to come out here.”
“Ugh, you’re killing me.”
“I’m pretty sure that’s the drugs leaving your system. Don’t blame that on me,” she replied as she got farther and farther away from my room.
It was the truth, though. I had thought the withdrawals from my first few days were the worst, but add in dehydration and cramping, and I was absolutely miserable. I could hardly manage to move my muscles and when I did, I pretty much moaned in pain. Our little walk had been enlightening and fun, but it left my body totally destroyed.
I really wasn’t trying to trick her into coming into my room, but I could see how she might have thought I was. My stomach hurt, my head hurt, even the muscles in my legs hurt and because I was in treatment, they couldn’t give me anything stronger than a Tylenol without taking me to the doctor. There was no way I was going to get poked and prodded by some random doctor, so I just suffered through it.
As much as I wanted to see Cassidy and talk to her, I couldn’t bear to get up out of bed and instead drifted back to sleep. While sleeping, I had the joy of reliving the last few months before I had arrived at the treatment center. My dreams were often filled with random women, drugs, and parties. I couldn’t even keep them all straight and the reality and dream life of my past seemed to mix together. It was a lonely life I had lived, even I had to admit that.
With friends and acquaintances filling my home for party after party, none of them cared about me. They came for the free booze and parties. They came so they could say they knew someone rich. I was an idol to them, but not because I had invented a technologically savvy way to buy tickets online; I was an idol purely because I had money.
I was wrapped up in it and couldn’t see it at all during that time of my life. When I would revisit those moments in my dreams, it always felt like I was on the outside looking in and watching my own self destruction. There had only been one person in my life who reached out for me and tried to hold onto me and prevent me from slipping off the cliff.
Spencer had reached out over and over; and I had kicked him off the damn cliff. He shouldn’t have stuck with me. There was nothing about the way I had been behaving that would have endeared me to him, yet my friend continued to be there for me. I had treated him horribly.
My dreams were vivid and often, but I always woke up feeling like I was drowning and couldn’t breathe. I hadn’t remembered falling into that pool in a drunken stupor, but I did remember waking up with a tube down my throat and my friend sitting next to me.
I imagined while I was drunk and in the pool, I had probably fought to breathe, but my drunkenness had prevented my efforts. Even though I didn’t have a conscious memory of those moments, my body still had them.
Water gave me anxiety, which sucked because I loved to swim. I really did want to get in the pool here. But I hadn’t worked myself up to that yet. Nightmares and fears were still too powerful for me.
When I was in the hospital, my father and brother had been called but didn’t bother to show up for me. Not even when they knew I had almost died. No one else came. If it hadn’t been for Spencer, I would have surely died that night, yet my own family wouldn’t be bothered enough to come sit with me. It left a hole in my gut that was hard to fill.
We hadn’t been close and I understood that, but if either of them had almost died, I certainly would have been there for them. That’s what families did. Even if you were angry with each other, you still showed up when it mattered.
Well, at least that was what I thought families should do. Apparently that wasn’t the case in my family.
My mother would have been there. If my mother hadn’t died, she would have been there the second she had found out. But then again, if my mother had been alive, I probably wouldn’t have been so desperately holding on to reality. A boy needed his mother. Especially me; I needed her.
Laura Levy had been one of the strongest women I knew. When she had been diagnosed with breast cancer, it was like a wicked joke that I thought couldn’t possibly be true. Despite losing her hair and going through treatments for months, I never actually thought I would lose her. I knew she was going to beat it. Every fiber of my being knew she was going to be all right. That made the day she died one of the most shocking in my entire life.