“Or maybe he likes you,” I said. “Enough to listen at least.”
Zoey smiled. “I just… I knew I couldn’t leave you at the station. It just felt too…”
“You’re a good person Zoey,” I said, cutting her off. “I hope you’re happy.”
She seemed to flinch back at my words, and I wondered what I had said. “I should go,” Zoey said quickly, moving towards the door.
“Wait,” I said, and miraculously she did.
“Yes?” she asked, turning to me.
“Was there a reason you came here today?”
“Oh… well… yes,” Zoey nodded. “I’m going to take you up your offer Devlin. I’m going to take the apartment.”
I smiled. “I’m glad… that one of us gets to stay here.”
She nodded curtly and then left abruptly. I stood there, wanting to go after her but forcing myself to stay put. I felt better knowing that she was going to be living here. I don’t know why that made me feel better… it just did.
I went to the room that had used to be Zoey’s. I had set up my canvases there, and I had been doing some painting in the night because I couldn’t really sleep anymore. I got my brushes and my paint out, and I started working.
I didn’t think or plan. I just turned my brain off and let my hand take control of my body. I painted for hours, and I didn’t stop to take any breaks. I kept going until I was finished and when I was done I stepped back and stared at what I had just created.
The painting had been created from passion and instinct and it showed in every stroke. It showed in every line that made up her face.
36
Zoey
“It feels strange,” I said, looking around the apartment.
“What feels strange?” Leah asked, stepping up behind me.
She had some free time so she had decided to come and visit me for the weekend and help me move into my new apartment. It was great having her around. I could vent to my heart’s content, I could tell her things I couldn’t tell mom or Seth, and I could be as vulnerable as I wanted to without feeling like I needed to justify my feelings all the time. Sometimes all you needed was a girlfriend who understood without needing explanations for everything.
“This apartment,” I said, looking around. “Especially with Devlin gone.”
“Isn’t that what you wanted?”
“No,” I admitted quietly. “I never wanted this… but it’s what I got. Honestly, I don’t even know why I took him up on the offer. I can’t afford to keep this place on my own. I’ll need to look for a roommate, and we all know my track record with roommates.”
“That depends on how you look at it,” Leah said, with a shrug.
“You’re joking, right?” I asked incredulously.
“Hey, it’s all about perspective,” Leah told me. “You could say that you moved in with a drug dealer who lied to you, deceived you and broke your heart, or you could think of it another way.”
“Which way is that?”
“You moved in with a man who you fell in love with, and you shared something with him that you’ll remember when you’re old and grey and have only your memories to keep you going.”
“That sounds like a wonderful perspective,” I said sarcastically.
Leah smiled and gave me a wink. “It’ll take some time to get over him,” she said. “Just be patient.”
I sighed, unsure if my heart could take too much more patience. I missed him terribly, and it felt like that loss only seemed to grow deeper and more acute with each passing day.
“I’ll get the last box from the car,” Leah said, as she headed back downstairs.