It was more than I expected from him and I nodded gratefully. I was curious though. Why was he even here? It was so unlike him.
“Not that I’m not grateful that you came and you posted bail,” I said. “But… why did you come and post my bail?”
Dad looked like he wasn’t going to answer me, but then at the last second, he adjusted in his seat and avoided eye contact with me.
“The truth of the matter is that she made me feel ashamed of myself… and I have never felt ashamed of myself before.”
“Zoey,” I breathed.
“That girl really loves you.”
“I really love her.”
“You have a funny way of showing it.”
“I know,” I said. “I fucked up big time.”
Dad’s eyes snapped to mine. “I wanted to make a man out of you, Devlin,” he said. “It’s part of the reason I told you to find your own way… because you were just a reckless and thoughtless child who thought being successful
was easy to do.”
“I never thought that, I—”
“You chose the easy way out… always.”
“Excuse me?” I said defensively. “How—”
“If your dream was so damn important to you, then you should have waited to achieve it,” dad said, cutting me off. “You should have found a real job, saved up, built a reputation for yourself slowly over time so that you would never have had to resort to drugs in the first place. Success doesn’t happen overnight, Devlin. But you wanted it all immediately. It’s the trademark of your generation. You don’t want to wait for anything… you want it all immediately, and you forget that sometimes it’s a slow road upwards.”
I stared at dad for a moment. Was he right? Had I tried to achieve my dream too fast? Was that why I had ended up here?
“I had to prove I could make it as an artist,” I said softly. “I had to prove that I was… talented.”
“Prove to who?”
I raised my eyebrows at him. “I had to prove it to you and mom,” I said quietly. “Neither one of you ever believed I could do it. Neither one of you ever… encouraged me or praised my work. You only ever wanted me to follow in your footsteps and do something respectable that you never even gave me a chance. Did you think that your opinions meant nothing to me? Did you think that I was untouched by your indifference?”
I could see dad grow more and more uncomfortable and I realized this was the first real conversation we’d had in a long time. It was the first time I had ever confronted him about the decision that led me to put my foot down and move out… the same decision that had prompted my parents to effectively cut me off.
“I… I have to go,” dad said, standing up abruptly.
I stood up too, but I didn’t bother to stop him. I didn’t have anything more to say anyway. I had said my piece about the past, and I thought he had too. There was nothing but the future to deal with now, and mine seemed a little bleak.
“Dad,” I called, just as he was about to leave.
He stopped at the threshold and turned his face to mine without turning all the way around.
“Whatever your reasons for being here and helping me out… I’m grateful,” I said. “I just wanted you to know that.”
Dad nodded once and then just like Zoey, he was gone.
32
Zoey
I woke up on Seth’s couch feeling tired and sore and distinctly uncomfortable. I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and headed to the bathroom, hoping that a hot shower would make me feel a little more like myself. I spent a good twenty minutes in the tub, pushing water around with my hand, wondering when the pain in my chest would subside.
I got dressed slowly, tied my hair up in a high ponytail and then stared at myself in the mirror for a moment. I looked almost normal… but there were little differences. There were dark circles around my eyes; my cheeks looked a little sunken in and I looked a little paler than usual. I splashed more cold water on my face and slapped my cheeks, but it didn’t improve my sallow countenance much.