Zoey smiled. “That’s my big secret.”
I felt a little spasm of guilt when she said that. If that was her big secret then what would she think of all the things I was keeping from her? I knew I needed to come clean about all my secrets too. This would have been the perfect opportunity too, but I didn’t know how she would react. What if she stormed off? What if she moved out again? After that kiss we had just shared, I knew I couldn’t let her go. This girl was something special, and I needed to keep her in my life. I had never felt this way about anybody before… she was more than just my roommate and my friend. She was my muse.
So instead of being a man, stepping up and telling her the truth about me, I took the coward’s way out and tried to tell myself that this was not the right time.
“Well, your secret’s safe with me.”
“I just thought you should know… considering…”
“Considering I was moving a little fast for you?” I asked.
Zoey smiled. “I know I said we should keep t
hings platonic but…”
“Yes?” I asked, hanging on her every word.
“I don’t know… I feel something when I’m with you,” she admitted, and I could have jumped for joy. So this wasn’t a one-sided thing. “I can’t quite describe it, it just feels—”
“Complete when we’re together?” I asked.
“Yes,” Zoey nodded.
“You know, before I met you I thought I was doing ok, the parties and the nightlife… that’s what kept me going. It was the only thing I had to make me forget all the shit I was dealing with. But since you came into my life… that doesn’t seem to cut it anymore.”
“Is that why you’re here with me instead of out there with your friends?” Zoey asked.
“I tried to get rid of them but they refused to go,” I sighed.
“It’s ok,” Zoey said. “You can hide here with me.”
I leaned in and kissed her gently on the lips again. It was just a little kiss to seal this new understanding between us.
“You don’t mind?” Zoey asked. “Taking things slow?”
“I don’t mind,” I replied. “I would wait as long as you wanted me to. I’d suffer through blue balls and everything.”
Zoey laughed, and I took her hand. “This can work,” I said softly.
“I’m scared,” Zoey said. “We live together… it’s not the smartest idea.”
“Then we’ll just have to be really smart about it,” I said, unwilling to even think of the possibility that this might be a mistake. My need for Zoey was too great. “We can do this Zoey… you and I… we get each other. You’re my muse.”
She smiled. “I am?”
“You doubt me.”
“It sounds like a beautiful line.”
“You’re right,” I nodded. “I guess I’ll just have to prove it to you.”
Zoey frowned. “How?”
“Come with me,” I said, taking her hand and leading her out of her room and into mine.
My room was chaos. Since I had moved all my art supplies and canvases into it, there was barely any space to swing a cat. Even my bed was covered with paint and stains.
“Whoa,” Zoey said, as we walked in.