“How has some girl not locked you down?” Melissa asked.
“I’m not the kind of guy who can be locked down,” I replied, flirting with them casually because I knew it would help me push more pot than they were willing to buy.
“I saw that about you,” Tatyana nodded. “You’re a lone wolf, aren’t you?”
“Definitely.”
“And I’ll bet you’re wild too.”
“Aren’t all lone wolves wild?” I asked, trying not to laugh.
All three girls burst out laughing, and I wondered if they weren’t high on something already. They seemed excessively interested in talking to me, and I wondered if there was an ulterior motive there. I was confident they weren’t narcs or anything. It would be quite the act, and I just didn’t see that in any of these girls.
I knew it was wrong of me to compare, but I just couldn’t seem to stop thinking of Zoey in relation to these girls. All three of them were in college too, but the difference was huge. Zoey was serious and thoughtful, and she oozed intelligence even when she didn’t say much. That was a heck of a lot more attractive than the flirty, giggly thing that these girls were trying.
I had every confidence that it would work with most of the college guys they hung out with, but those relationships were always short term.
“How about another little something for you girls?” I asked. “Something to help relieve the tension of finals?”
“We already bought so much,” Tracy said, batting her eyes at me.
“You can never have too much,” I said, winking at her.
“You’re so bad,” she said, in a high-pitched voice that grated at my burgeoning headache. I really wanted to wrap up this little rendezvous.
“Go on,” I said, making one last attempt to push the remaining pot I had brought with me.
“Oh, all right,” Tatyana said. “Why the hell not? Daddy sent me a little extra cash for my birthday anyway.”
I wondered what it was like to have parents who gave you so much that you could actually blow it all on pot without having to ever worry about making rent or buying groceries. It felt alien to me, which was strange considering that I came from a family who was probably very similar to Tracy’s family and Tatyana’s family and Melissa’s family.
Every time I thought about my parents, my head spun, and I just wanted to crawl into a hole and ride out the gnawing heartache that gripped me. There were days when I thought I had gotten past it… I had gotten past them. There were days when I felt like I had gotten through the other side. But then I was hit by some small, unimportant detail of someone else’s life and it all caught up with me.
“Here’s the money,” Tatyana said, handing it to me.
“Thanks,” I nodded, pocketing it. “Well, it was a pleasure doing business with you ladies—”
“You’re leaving?” Melissa asked, looking at me intently.
“Uh… that was the plan.”
“You could change your plan,” she said, giving me a seductive smile. “And come back to our dorm with us.”
I raised my eyebrows, realizing what I was being offered. A few months ago I would have been completely game. I pictured it: three college girls and me… not to mention an abundance of pot. It was every guy’s dream, but my mood had been soured by sudden thoughts of my parents and anyway, I knew that with Zoey lingering in the back of my thoughts I’d never be able to sleep with anyone else.
“Thanks for the offer, ladies,” I said. “But I’m going to have to turn you down.”
I saw the disappointment on their faces, but I felt no regret. I just wanted to get home and wind down. Then I remembered that my way of winding down was to throw a party and have people over and I had promised Zoey that I would tone all that down.
It had been a week since she had com
e back however and I hadn’t thrown one single party. I was proud of myself, and I knew that Zoey appreciated it, but today I felt the need to drown my troubled thoughts about my parents with loud music and people.
“Are you sure?” Tracy asked, as she sidled up to my side and stroked my arm.
“Positive,” I nodded curtly. “Thanks.”
I walked away before the other two could block me and I headed straight for the apartment. I knew Zoey was in because I could hear her music playing softly in the background. She usually recorded her music and then played it back on her computer to make adjustments the next time she was at her piano. I loved watching her work; it inspired me to want to work on my paintings.