I all but raced home wanting to tell her all about the meeting and get ready for the party, but when I opened the door to the apartment, something didn’t feel right. I saw one of Zoey’s suitcases by the door, and I could hear her moving things around in her room.
“Zoey?” I said, making my way to her room. The door was wide open, and she was folding clothes and packing them into a small carry-on.
She turned downcast eyes towards me, and I realized how tired she looked.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
She sighed. “I’m leaving, Devlin.”
14
Zoey
“I’m leaving, Devlin,” I said.
He stood there at my door, staring at me in shock for a moment. Then I saw the confusion on his face, and I realized it was wrong of me to do this without any warning. To be honest, it had been sort of a spur of the moment kind of decision for me too.
The truth was the last two weeks had amazing moments. Devlin and I got along well; it was easy to talk to him, and creatively we gelled well together. But there was another side of him that I hadn’t seen coming. He was the partying type, and I had hoped that I could either deal with it or just plain ignore it, but I realized that I couldn’t. Devlin was completely into his late-night parties, some of which went on till three and four into the morning. Even if I excused myself early, I wouldn’t be able to sleep until the music had stopped and everyone had left.
I didn’t feel right trying to change how he did things in the apartment, especially because it didn’t really feel like my home yet, so I had just kept my opinions to myself. But I hated the partying and the drinking, and it happened so often that it was not something I could grin and bear either.
I had been mulling over the idea of moving out for the last few days, but what had helped make my decision was the text I had received from Devlin only a few hours ago. I had spent the last few days scrambling to finish my music theory papers, I was sleep deprived and overworked. I was juggling my part-time job with all my schoolwork on practically no sleep, and I just couldn’t do it anymore. My body was tired, my mind was tired, and I wasn’t willing to spend an indefinite amount of time biting my tongue just because Devlin liked to party.
The only reason I hadn’t come to this decision sooner was because I really liked Devlin. I mean… I really liked him. If I removed the partying aspect of his personality from the equation, I could almost believe that he was the perfect guy. He was a firefighter who painted. He was creative and interesting and talented. We had the most amazing conversations, and I felt like I could be myself around him.
“What?” Devlin asked, gaping at me. “Why?”
I sighed and zipped up the bag I had just finished packing. “I just… I think I need a little time to think…”
“Think about what?”
“About this living situation,” I said. “I don’t think it’s working out.”
“How can you say that?” Devlin asked. “We’ve been having a great time.”
I part of me felt really, truly bad. He had obviously had no inclination whatsoever as to how I had been feeling the last two weeks. He had thought everything was going so smoothly.
“No… you’ve been having a great time,” I said. “I’ve been… trying to manage all this.”
“All this?” Devlin asked.
I bit my lip and turned to him. “I’m sorry, Devlin,” I said. “It’s just… the partying is just… it’s too much for me. I can’t focus, I can’t concentrate, and I can’t work. The very reason I was kicked out of my previous dorm room because my roommate was a partier too and I just… that’s not my style. I just don’t have that kind of personality. I don’t like the parties.”
He looked shocked by my admission. “I… you never said anything to me,” he said.
“Because that first night… well, you through the party for me and I didn’t want to say anything,” I replied. “And then the second time your friends came over, I guess I didn’t want to say anything because then it would sound like I didn’t mind a party when it was about me but not under any other circumstances. And then it just kept continuing and I… I guess I just talked myself out of saying something because I was aware that this was your lifestyle and it felt unfair to ask you to change it for me.”
“This is technically your apartment too though,” Devlin said.
I sighed. “Devlin, I like you, and I think we do get along well. You’re the only roommate I’ve ever had that I think I have a real friendship with…”
“There’s a ‘but’ coming isn’t there?”
“This isn’t the lifestyle I’m comfortable with, Devlin,” I said gently. “And that’s ok. If this is the lifestyle you want and enjoy, then that’s ok too. It’s just that we’re probably not suited to live together.”
I reached forward and put his hand on mine. “Zoey,” he said. “Don’t leave… we can work this out.”