His chest rises and sinks. Rises and sinks. No noises. No words. This is not Max.
“Oh, I love the locket by the way.” I sniffle, picking it up from the table beside the bed. “It’s beautiful. The pictures are thoughtful.”
My eyes prick with tears as I open it and look at the photos again. Max is smiling. Tessa is trying not to smile as he has his arm thrown around her shoulders.
The breathing continues. The monitor beeps. I study Max’s face—every single feature of it—and it dawns on me even more. My friend is not here. He’s not coming back.
I swipe the back of my hand over my face to rid myself of the tears, then I bring the blanket on top of him to keep him warm. I’m not sure if he’ll feel the warmth, but his body is cold.
As I watch him, the door swings open and Eugene walks in with a cup of coffee in hand. When he spots me, his eyes stretch with surprise.
“Oh, Shannon,” he says. “I wasn’t expecting to see you yet.”
I swipe my eyes, forcing a smile. “Hey, Eugene. Yeah, um, I’m not supposed to be here. I snuck out.”
“Typical Shannon,” he jokes, placing his cup down and then moving closer to the bed. His smile fades as he looks at Max, and his eyes immediately glisten. “I can’t believe I’m about to lose him too.”
I climb off the bed carefully. “You don’t think he has a chance?” I ask and I can feel my bottom lip trembling.
Eugene sighs, walking next to me. We both stare down at Max and I want to scream for him to wake up, to move—to do anything to show us a sign of life. But he doesn’t. He won’t.
“Shannon,” Eugene says in a soft voice. “Look at him and tell me what you see.”
I study Max, how his chest elevates while the rest of his body remains perfectly still.
“I see a man I don’t recognize,” I whisper.
“Yeah.”
“If this happens, I’ll never get to see him again, Eugene. Neither of us will.”
“I know, but it’s what he would want. Max wouldn’t want to be a vegetable.”
He’s right, but I argue anyway. “Yes, that’s true, but who knows?” I shrug, forcing a wary smile. “Maybe he’ll come out of it one day and slowly build himself back up again. Anything could happen? Hell, I thought I was going to die and now I have a new set of lungs and another chance at life.”
Eugene shakes his head and his eyes start to water again. The sunlight makes his tears sparkle, and when he finally makes a move, he rubs the back of his head and exhales.
“You want to know what I think?” he asks.
“What?”
“I think deep down Max wanted something like this to happen.”
“What do you mean?”
“All he could ever talk about was how he wished he could help you—how he wished he could donate his own lung and save your life. He even said he’d die for you, and you know what? I believed him.”
“But that…that’s not fair. I would never have asked that of him.”
“He knew that.” I hate that he’s already talking about him in the past tense, so I snatch my gaze away.
“Max wouldn’t have been able to cope with losing you if you’d died, Shannon. I don’t know why the universe works the way it does, but all of this clearly happened for a reason.”
Sorrow floods every single part of my frail body. It takes over, but I nod, keeping my head up, because it’s true. I turn to Max again, running my hand across his bruised cheek.
Eugene is right, but I hate that I’m losing someone else. I hate that it’s Max of all people. It seems my life comes with a big price tag over it. If I don’t bargain, I don’t survive.
“I know,” I whisper.
Eugene rubs my upper back. “I’ll give you some time with him.”
I know what he’s really saying. He’s telling me without actually telling me that once I leave this room, he’s going to have them pull the plug.
Max is going to be gone for good and the next time I see him, it will probably be when his body is in a casket or an urn.
Eugene is out of the door before I know it and as soon as he is, I lay on the bed next to Max, draping my arm across his middle and holding him close. I shut my eyes and weep quietly, and I can’t ignore the memories that come to surface.
I remember it all, from the very first day we met in Capri, to our first kiss in the parking lot of my apartment complex. I remember the first time we made love. The first time we argued. The moments we laughed and even the moments we cried.