How did this happen?
It seems my health has been traded for his life, but if I had a choice, I’d choose dying over losing him because I can’t handle this. Losing him is losing a huge part of what made me who I am.
“How many days do I have to wait?” My voice cracks. “To see him. How many days?”
“At least wait one more day,” John says, stroking my forearm. “If you want, we’ll take you up ourselves. Get you a wheelchair and everything.” He stands from his chair, exhaling slowly as he cups my face in his hands. He tries to get my eyes on his, but I can’t look at him—not because I don’t want to, but because I was so, so wrong.
If I’d stayed home, I could have died there. Max never would have gotten into that wreck—never would have been hit by a damn city bus.
“I know you’re hurting,” John whispers in my ear as he wraps his arms around me. “And I know you want to drop everything and go now, but please, Shannon. Just stay here. I will make sure you see Max before we are out of this hospital. You have my word.”
I bury my face in his chest. I’m fighting like hell to fight my tears and to not break down right here, right now, but I can’t help it. So much has happened within the last two weeks. So much that I could have controlled and changed, but I was too stubborn and selfish to do so. This is all my fault. This is the curse I carry. Everyone I love ends up dying or hurt.
John sits on the edge of the bed and continues holding me. His tight embrace is warm, but it’s not enough and it’s not what I need at this very moment.
I won’t feel complete until I see Max. I won’t feel okay until I can look at him and see the damage for myself. I need hope.
He can’t be gone. I refuse to believe that one of the strongest men I know is about to lose his life right now.
THIRTY-FOUR
Many people have experienced personal losses. To lose someone who is close to your heart is like losing a piece of yourself. You’d do anything to get that person back. You’d fight like hell and walk through flames to find them again. You’d sacrifice whatever you have as long as you get to see that person smile at least one more time.
I have lost many people I love over the years—hell, I lost my father and was left with a mother who couldn’t give two shits about me.
It was hard to recover after losing my father, and to this day I constantly wish he were still here to see how his girls grew up, but losing Max? Losing Max is earth shattering. I know there will be a permanent shift in the air once he’s taken his last breath, and I know it will break me.
I won’t say he is my soulmate, because he isn’t. John is, and he always will be. But Max was a friend—a very close friend—and he was honest and true, and he had so much good in his heart that he constantly failed to see it in himself.
Yes, he made mistakes, and he always reacted before thinking things through, and maybe we shouldn’t have said or done certain things to one another in the past, but at the end of the day, we were meant to cross paths.
Just like me, he’d lost so much, so to know that he is losing his life…well, I just can’t stomach the thought of it. It’s not fair.
That’s why I have waited until 3:30 in the morning to do what I’m about to do now.
I carefully took out my IV less than an hour ago. My hand is sore, and my body is still a bit drugged up from the meds, so as I climb out of bed, I stumble a bit, but I gain my footing, despite my legs feeling a little weak.
John is sound asleep on the sofa. He has to be exhausted. He’s snoring, and he only snores when he’s dead tired. I guess since I’m awake now he’s found some peace.
Tessa took off to a hotel around the block. She has a room booked and the only reason she is there is because John is taking up the couch. She promised she’d be back by morning.
Before she left, though, she gave me a gift from Max. A gift that I really wish she’d waited to give to me because seeing it broke what was left of my heart after the news.
It was the locket he bought from the market. I thought for sure it was a mistake—that it belonged to him—but then I opened it and saw the pictures inside it.