I don’t bother asking any of those questions. Instead, I turn away and walk down the hallway to get to Shannon’s room door. I don’t go in, but I do take out the jewelry box that’s in my pocket and place it in the drop box at her door. It’s the gift I was going to give her on our walk back home from the Eiffel Tower—before I foolishly got into that dumb brawl.
Why can’t I just control my fucking temper? The slightest things piss me off, and it’s gotten worse since my parents died. I shouldn’t have paid that man any attention. I should have ignored him and went for Shannon first thing, but I let my rage blind me.
Stupid. So fucking stupid.
I turn away from Shannon’s door, walking back down the hallway and exiting the hospital.
I jump into the car I rented, slamming the door behind me and resting my forehead on the wheel. My heart slams in my chest the longer I think about everything that happened.
This trip? It was a fucking mistake. I should have just let her stay home where it was safe and came here by myself like I had planned. I never should have brought it up to her. Now look at her, so close to death I’m sure she can smell it.
All I wanted was to show her a good time. I wanted her to know that I still love her and that I care and will never forget about her, even after she’s gone. I guess I’ve fucked that up too.
I crank the car, peeling out of the parking deck and hitting the road. I drive furiously to my hotel, passing the lights and disregarding stop signs.
“Fuck!” I bark, slamming a palm on the steering wheel. What hurts the most is that this will be just like how it was with my parents. She’ll be gone. I’ll be weak. I will never forgive myself.
It took me so long to accept the fact that it wasn’t my fault my parents passed, but with Shannon? It’s different with her. She was never supposed to leave me. She was never supposed to be diagnosed with something so rare—something so fucked up.
She’s supposed to be here forever.
Until my last breath…right?
I don’t realize I’ve zoned out. My mind is elsewhere, focused on memories of us. How she used to kiss me. How I used to hold her. How I used to make the sweetest love to her.
How I hurt her.
How I broke her.
How I made her cry.
How she always found a way to forgive me until, one day, she just couldn’t.
I never should have skipped town. I should have tried harder for her. I never should have left her. She deserved so much more than I gave her.
I’ve done Shannon so wrong, and yet she constantly forgives me. She never forgets about me, even while married to a man who I know is so damn good to her. I can’t even hate him because he is exactly what she deserves.
Someone good. Someone there for her. Someone who cares. I envy his love for her.
Something crashes and thuds in front of me and I curse, slamming down on the brakes, but it’s too late.
BOOM. CLACK. SKERRRKK.
My windshield shatters.
My body rolls and I feel a sharp pain in my neck.
It hurts. And the car…fuck, the car is closing in around me. Glass is still breaking.
The car is flipping, and I swear this doesn’t feel real. It’s like some out of body experience, only I’m here and I feel it all.
I realize after the car has flipped for the final time, slamming right into the thick trunk of a tree, that I’m not dreaming.
I’m in pain now. So much pain. My mouth tastes of hot copper. The steering wheel is broken. How the hell is it broken?
My legs feel numb, and my abdomen…shit. I can hardly breathe. I try and talk, but liquid falls out of my mouth and I weakly lift my hands, studying my palms. They’re wet and stained red.
People are shouting. Lights from emergency vehicles emerge. They’re bright. They hurt to look at, but I can’t blink.
I can’t blink because they’re not there anymore. My eyes are closed now.
I feel cold. Empty. The pain is vanishing, morphing into a feeling I can’t quite explain.
“Shannon,” I whisper.
I love her so much.
Yes. I love Shannon Hales and I will love her forever, even as I take my last breath.
THIRTY-THREE
Light. So much light. I wasn’t expecting this.
A scratchy groan fills my throat and I shift on the stiff bed, only to feel as if something has stabbed me near the ribs.
“Ow.” I whimper, clutching my side.
“Holy shit. Shannon!” Tessa’s voice rings and is loud. It makes my head throb. I turn my head to look at her and she shoots out of her chair, her eyes rapidly filling with tears.