I couldn’t do much but look at her. “I, uh…I don’t know. Do you think it’s bad?”
“Yes, it’s bad, K! Clay is—he’s supposed to be like family! I’m not supposed to want him! And imagine how Aria would feel!”
“But…technically speaking, he’s not. Society makes you think it’s wrong because you’ve known him your whole life and because you got adopted into his family. I do understand how this could ruin things, though. Especially for Aria…but Clay is really, really hot…”
“I know.” She groaned, pinching the bridge of her nose. “I feel so stupid. Clay and I have known each other since we were babies…and before I realized I was going to be his adopted sister, I had a stupid crush on him. All these years, I’ve tried to get rid of that feeling and face reality, but it doesn’t help that I actually know he’s not family, you know? I mean Aria always tells us, we’re family, to take care of one another, so she obviously wants us to stick to that family bond.”
“Well, shit, Frankie! Why didn’t you tell me this when it first happened? I’m your best friend!”
“This isn’t like your situation with Cane, okay? Clay is supposed to be my brother. Everyone knows him as my brother, even you. I didn’t want you judging me or thinking I was some slut or—”
“You are not a slut,” I stated. God, I hated that word now. “You are my friend, and I love you. You didn’t have to keep that bottled up for so long.”
“He also didn’t want me to say anything to anyone. Not even you.”
“And you, Frankie Martin, listened?” I quirked a brow, smirking.
“Yes, because he was right!” she laughed. “No one can know, okay? I wasn’t even supposed to tell you, so if you come around and he’s there, pretend things are still the same. Pretend he’s just Clay, my annoying older brother.”
I nodded. “Got it.”
She exhaled hard. “Feels good to have that off my chest now.”
“I bet,” I giggled. “I’m glad you told me, Frank.” I picked the gummy worms up again, this time with a smile. “And you know what? I needed this. You.”
“I know. That’s why I’m here.” She rested her head on my shoulder. “You’re a strong girl. One of the strongest, sincerest bitches I know, and if you really love Cane, don’t let your fears stop you. Trust me, your mind will feed on that fear, and it will be your biggest setback. Don’t let that fear control you.”
“It’s hard not to be afraid, Frank. I mean, Cane is different. There’s so much that sets us apart.”
“Well, how about you find the reasons that make you stick together?”
“How am I supposed to do that?”
She sighed, picking up her head. “You know, there’s this thing I learned in my psychology class. There was a girl who had gotten into a bad argument with her boyfriend, and she started randomly crying in class. My professor took it as a learning opportunity. On the board, he made two topics. On one side was ‘Bad Things.’ On the other side was ‘Good Things.’ He told the poor girl to come up and write down all the good things and the bad things, and then told her that if the bad outweighs the good, leave it alone. If the good outweighs the bad, see what you can do to heal the situation. So…I’m telling you now to make a list.”
I let her words sink in, and after I told her I would, she changed the subject to work and college. After she heard from Mom, she came here just to see me, and I couldn’t thank her enough for skipping classes and possibly missing more important life lessons from her psychology professor, all for me. She truly was my best friend in the world.
Around 11:00 p.m., Frankie gave me a big squeeze goodbye, and when she was gone, I sat on the bed, staring at my phone. I looked toward my laptop, the one Cane had given me, and then at the notebook that was sitting there. I had two options that night. I could forget about making that list and forget about Cane altogether, or I could make the list, and try to find some light in our darkness.
I chose the latter.
I hopped off the bed and sat in my computer chair. I created the “Bad Things” side and the “Good Things.” It was easy for me to write the bad. I had so much negativity swirling inside me—so much hate for what had happened—but realized none of it was directed at him. All of my hate was for Kelly, but Kelly had never determined our relationship. Why would I let what she’d done to me determine our status now?
I wrote until my hand began to cramp and my eyes got tired. I checked the clock, and it was 3:00 a.m. I read over my list several times, and for the first time in a while, my heart blossomed.