Cane sat in the chair next to mine and asked me questions about college, my majors, my dorm, and the trip I’d taken for my campus tour with Mom, right before the trip to Destin. I knew I wanted to major in English and marketing. I told him I probably wouldn’t need much. Mom had gone overboard on our college shopping spree several weeks ago. My room was packed with stuff. There was no way it was all fitting in our car, so she was debating renting a U-Haul or a rental SUV.
I was glad he wasn’t making our time alone awkward. I expected him to walk on eggshells around me, but he wasn’t. He was calm and collected. He laughed and still flirted with me, but not so much that it seemed forced. I loved this side of him so much more than he realized.
After dinner, I offered to wash the dishes. Cane had poured himself a neat scotch and was sitting on a stool behind the counter, watching me clean as he sipped. I could feel his hot gaze sweeping all over me and became a little nervous.
Perhaps he was contemplating—thinking about ways to get out of this and take me back home. He could have easily made up an excuse, and I wouldn’t have been able to do anything about it but complain, which he could easily ignore.
Finally, he made a move and pushed off the stool. I glanced over my shoulder and watched as he picked up his scotch. He came around the counter and stopped by my side. “I have a few phone calls to make but it won’t be long,” he murmured.
“Okay. That’s fine.”
“You’ll be okay down here for a while?”
I smiled. “I’ll manage.”
He grabbed my arm gently, stopping me from rinsing the forks. I looked up to meet his glassy eyes, and heat tunneled through me as soon as I locked on them. “You seem on edge, Kandy. You know we don’t have to do this,” he murmured. “I can take you back with no problem.”
My throat worked hard to swallow, like all words had become lodged in my throat. I wanted this to happen. I wanted it so much that the ache was gnawing at every single nerve in my body…but in the back of my mind, I couldn’t help but think about Dad and Mom, or how much this would change things between Cane and me. He wouldn’t look at me the same afterward. There was a chance he’d think I sucked and wouldn’t even visit anymore.
I brushed those thoughts aside. “No, it’s fine. I want to stay with you.”
He dropped his gaze to the floor, as if in deep thought.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
He thought on it for a bit, then shifted his gaze back up to mine. “I just…I don’t know if I’ll be able to be gentle enough with you, Kandy. I’ll try to be, but if there’s one thing I know about myself, it’s that I like to fuck…. hard.” He blinked slowly, and my stomach clenched, but definitely not in a bad way. “It’s been a while since I last had any or did anything…”
“It’s okay…” I turned to face him. “I trust you, Cane.”
“You shouldn’t,” he said, and his gaze became all too serious, his lips pressing thin. He finished off his drink without so much as a wince and then took a step back. “Give me twenty. Make yourself comfortable.” He turned and walked out of the kitchen.
I watched him go then finished up the dishes. My heart wouldn’t stop racing.
His words scared the hell out of me. If anything, they’d felt like a threat, but I knew Cane. He knew when to be in control and when to let loose, but in my situation, it was different.
I was new to him—a young, innocent girl, who didn’t know much at all about pleasure or sex. I was certain he’d never had anyone this much younger than him. He didn’t know what I could handle—hell, I didn’t know what I could handle, but I hoped I could manage whatever he had to offer.
32
CANE
It’d been well over twenty minutes since I’d come upstairs.
I paced the room with guilt in my heart that started as a snowball but had eventually rolled into an avalanche, and I couldn’t control it any longer. I only had one call to make, and it was settled, but as soon as the quiet swept over me and I remembered why I was here, it tore me up inside.
Kandy…
I’d had a lot of shit thrown my way, and I got through it unscathed and with no problem, but I didn’t have it in me to carry this kind of guilt around for the rest of my life. I feared Derek would smell it on me, or worse, notice the changes. I feared I’d distance myself from him and her, just so I wouldn’t have to face my backstabbing and secrets.