Hot tears ran over the bridge of my nose instead. My eyes were tight and raw.
The guilt was undeniable, painful, and the saddest part? I wasn’t going to stop wanting Cane, despite knowing the guilt and lies could destroy me.
30
KANDY
The day before my parents left for their anniversary, I was surprised with a white 2-door Honda Civic. My first car and I loved everything about it.
“Oh my God! Seriously!” I squealed. “I love you guys so much!” I squeezed them both around the neck. “Thank you! I knew you weren’t going to let me be eighteen and carless!”
They both broke into fits of laughter.
“You better take good care of this, you hear me?” Dad scolded lightly. “No reckless driving, no texting, and definitely no driving drunk.”
“That’s right,” Mom agreed.
“Yes, yes! I promise!” I shouted. They could have told me I had to wash dishes every night for the rest of the summer, and I would have agreed.
“And it better stay clean!” Dad demanded.
I nodded way too eagerly, squeezing my hands together, desperate for the keys.
Mom insisted on taking a hundred pictures of me with Bubby—the name of my car. As soon as Dad handed me the keys, I took it for a spin by going to Frankie’s house, where she took a hundred more pictures of me with my new car.
The next day my parents left for Paris. I was sad to see them go, but was happy that they’d been together for over twenty years and were able to do something special together.
I drove them to the airport. Dad cupped the back of my head and gave me a rough kiss on the forehead after shutting the trunk of my car. He could be rough that way—tough love is what he called it.
“We’ll see you in a week, sweet cheeks.” He gave me another rough kiss before Mom stepped up and gave me a tight hug and kiss on the cheek.
“See you when we get back, okay? Be good.” She kissed me once more.
“I’m going to have the whole house scanned for prints when I get back, so don’t even try it with the house parties!” Dad shouted from behind her.
I laughed as Mom shook her head and narrowed her eyes at him, giving that adorable, loving expression she always gave when she thought he was the hottest goof on earth. Those words exactly, because she said them often when describing him to me.
To be honest, my parents were adorable as hell. I loved their relationship, and was glad they weren’t another statistic—you know, where there are two busy, working parents with a child or children and they lose their love for each other? Sure, they’d had their ups and downs, but they got through all of it together and let love win. They raised me together, and I think I turned out pretty okay.
I smiled as they walked off, both of them waving as I got into the car. I rolled the window down and Mom blew a kiss at me, and I returned the gesture. I watched them until I could no longer see them, then I drove back to a quiet home.
It was roughly nine in the morning, and I was kind of hungry, so I made a bowl of cereal while scrolling through my phone at the counter.
I cleaned my room next, hung up a few of the shirts Mom had washed for me before she left, and then I went down to Dad’s man cave to watch Netflix.
During all of it, I tried ignoring the nagging in the back of my head, the dark thoughts, the ones behind the locked door in my mind.
Eventually, they broke out and left me pacing the house, trying to find any little thing to do to occupy myself.
Cane came to mind. My Cane. My parents were going to be gone for an entire week. Cane said he would be working in town for a few days and told them he’d keep an eye on me. I’d overheard his phone conversation with Dad.
He was in the city.
I was home alone.
This is perfect, the thoughts whispered.
I stared at the dark screen of the phone sitting on the cushion beside me. The better thing to do would have been to ignore the whispers and let a movie consume me, or even use the money Mom gave me to take my new car out and go shopping for a new dress or blouse.
None of that happened. My fingers tingled, and my heart began to whisper too, begging me to pick up the phone and get in touch with him. Just see what he’s doing, my heart whispered. Check in with him. Let him know you’re thinking about him. See if he’s thinking about you, too.
My heart knew no boundaries. She didn’t care that she wasn’t supposed to want him. And at the end of the day, willpower was not my specialty. I could never deny myself what I wanted, whether it was cake or Cane.