Kelly smiled, patting my chest. “I think I can handle it. I’m glad you support the idea.” She kissed me on the cheek and then walked around me to undress. She put on the orange cotton dress that stopped just above her knees and then slid into a pair of sandals. “Going to have a drink or two with Mindy. Maybe she’ll want to go shopping tomorrow, too.”
I nodded and watched her go. When I heard her going down the stairs, I made my way out of the door and walked to the balcony, pulling the pack of cigarettes from my shirt pocket. After that conversation, I needed a buzz.
Before I lit it up, someone said, “If you want to live to see sixty, you should probably quit soon.”
I turned to my right, spotting Kandy sitting in one of the white rocking chairs. She had on a pair of black lounge shorts and a crop top. The diamonds in her ears that Derek bought for her seventeenth birthday shimmered beneath the moonlight. I remember them because he’d sent me a text message asking if I thought she would like them. I knew she would.
The waning moon was bold and bright, lighting up the whole sky and everything beneath it, including Kandy. I could see every inch of her, from the curly, dark brown hair that was pulled up into a messy bun, down to the silky, beige legs that were folded in the chair.
“Haven’t I told you before to mind your own business?” I said with the cigarette clamped between my teeth. “I think you were about nine when I told you that.”
Despite what I said, I didn’t want to pass my bad habits onto Kandy, so I pulled the cigarette from my lips and dropped it in the pocket of my shirt.
“Maybe I should. Maybe I shouldn’t.” She looked away. “How am I supposed to know what to do when it comes to you?”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means you’re an asshole,” she replied quickly, with no hesitation whatsoever, like that word had been bottled up inside her, waiting for the perfect moment to be used.
“Me? An asshole? Damn. And all this time I thought I was the nice guy.”
She fought a smile, still focused on the ocean.
“Where’s your friend?” I asked.
“She’s on the phone with her boyfriend. I didn’t want to hear her whining about how much she missed him, so I came out here.”
“On the second floor balcony?”
“Ours doesn’t have rocking chairs. Just cheap, plastic chairs that are too uncomfortable to sit in.”
“Mm-hmm.”
We were quiet for a moment.
Kandy dropped her feet and exhaled. I could tell something was on her mind. I didn’t have to ask to know what was bothering her.
“Why did you bring her, Cane?” she questioned. “I’m honestly just curious. I’ve been racking my brain trying to figure it out, but I just don’t get it. Do you love her?”
“Kandy—”
“Because if you do, then it all makes sense. But what you told me that day in my parents’ living room doesn’t…”
I breathed hard through my nostrils. From where I stood, I could see Mindy sitting on a lounge chair with a wine glass in her hand. She was giggly and bubbly. Tipsy for sure. I could hear Kelly talking, but couldn’t see her.
“I care about her,” I said, and it was the truth.
“But you’re not in love with her.”
I shook my head. It felt wrong to try and say it out loud.
“Is she your girlfriend?”
I sighed. “I don’t know what she is, Kandy. She’s just a woman I’m dating.”
“For a whole year? She must be desperate.” She laughed, but her laughter contained no joy.
“You know she’s trying to get to know you better.”
“Yeah. She’s trying too hard. I don’t want her to get to know me.”
“She knows you have a crush on me, too.”
Her eyes widened at that. “What? How?”
“She just…sees it, I guess.”
“It’s not just a crush anymore. You know that right?”
“You need to let this go, Kandy.” My voice was stern, my smile fading.
“I can’t help who I want, Cane.” She let out an unstable breath. “I can’t help what I want or how I want it, either.”
I breathed evenly through my nostrils, doing my best to ignore the sultriness that took over her voice.
She stood up then, and I watched her rest her elbows on the guardrail. She stared out at the ocean, then up at the moon and stars. “I wish I could erase it all—the way I feel about you, you know? I wish that I looked at you as more of a brother or an uncle or something, rather than…whatever this is I feel for you.”
I sniffed, but nothing more.
“I know I’m not allowed to touch you right now, and that’s killing me. Having to hold back and keep to myself is harder than I thought,” she continued. “I also know it will hurt my parents, especially my dad, if he finds out that we ever touched each other in that way. I don’t want to ruin what you guys have. They’re happier when you’re around. I’m happier too…but only when it’s just you and you alone.”