I sucked in a deep breath, bracing myself for what she might ask next. I bit my lip in frustration. Why couldn’t people leave me in peace? “Yes—I am,” I answered, jerking my head up with the intention of telling her off.
“I’m Amber,” she said, smiling sheepishly.
I nearly fell out of my chair. Amber, my real-life childhood friend, who had also somehow found a way to live in a world that didn’t exist. Mia’s best friend was standing directly in front of me. And she looked nothing like she was supposed to.
28
“SO YOU met Amber?” Dr. Marshall asked after I filled her in on my first day of school.
I nodded, folding my hands in my lap and settling back on the cushioned seat. This was my first appointment in her actual office. It felt different from the sessions we had in my hospital room. More formal. “She was different.”
“Different from what you were expecting?”
I nodded again.
“I imagine she was. The Amber you know was manifested in your head. That Amber could have been purple if that’s how your brain would have decided to paint her. Don’t forget, Jacob was different too,” she said, noticing the look on my face.
“I know,” I said, climbing to my feet. I was too antsy to sit still. I’d been sitting all day. I wandered around her office, taking in her multiple framed certificates and plaques. The wall was an impressive résumé. I found it reassuring. Dr. Marshall at least appeared to know her stuff. If anyone could fix the crazy in my head, it was her. “It’s just that everything is so different and hard,” I admitted, moving back to my seat. “It was awkward. We really had nothing to say to each other. I guess it’s hard to come up with conversations of relevance after ten years.”
She nodded. “I know it feels that way. I’ll be the first to acknowledge that life is not easy on a normal basis. Unfortunately, your circumstances are far from normal. You’ve been thrown into a society that is completely new to you. Some people are going to be cruel. They won’t understand what you went through, but that’s the nature of life. It’s not your job to make them understand either, but if you don’t, you’ll have to wait for their ignorance to catch up with everyone else.”
“They think I’m a freak,” I said, louder than I intended.
“Mia, you’re not a freak.”
I shrugged, sinking back down on my seat. “Maybe I am. I feel like a freak.”
“Mia, you’re a young lady who has gone through a horrific experience. It’s going to take you time to find your place. No one is expecting you to come out of the gate running. You have to acclimate yourself to the culture around you. The young people at your school will get to know you quickly. People fear what they don’t know. When they get to know you they’ll discover the amazing young lady that you are. Don’t let your past define you. Judy deprived you of social growth and development. It’s now time to shake off her oppressiveness once and for all.”
I fidgeted uncomfortably in my seat. Dr. Marshall wouldn’t be saying all these good things about me if she knew the whole story. Everyone was so quick to paint Judy as the bad person, but what about me? What about the bad things I had done? If they knew all the details they wouldn’t be so quick to crucify her. If I was as brave as everyone claimed I was, I would tell them the truth and accept my punishment just like I had with Judy.
I answered all Dr. Marshall’s questions about school dutifully. She kept spitting out the same advice, telling me I needed to be patient. I didn’t believe her. School was nothing like I always imagined it would be. I built it up as a sanctuary of sorts, but it resembled nothing close to that.
My session ended with Dr. Marshall giving me a homework assignment. She wanted me to smile at those who were talking about me. Smile? Maybe she was the crazy one. It was an impossible task. I nodded like a puppet, but there was no way I was going to be able to smile at anyone.
Leaving her office, I pulled my cell phone from my bag and typed out a text message for Mom.
Her reply came back almost immediately, stating that she would pick me up in twenty minutes. Obviously, she didn’t have the same issues with texting that I did.
I decided to wander from the wing where Dr. Marshall’s office was located to the part of the hospital I had spent almost a month in. Walking down the familiar halls was comforting. I missed this place. Nurses who remembered me smiled as I made my way to my old wing. I was breaking a promise, but I couldn’t help myself. I knew I promised Gunner I would stay away. It was the one thing he had asked from me, but I couldn’t bring myself not to check on him. My feet propelled me down the hall like an invisible hand was pushing me from behind.
“Mia, how are you doing?” Pamela, my favorite nurse, asked, hugging me tightly.
“Good. I miss this place though.”
She rolled her eyes. “You jest. No one should ever miss this place. What are you doing here?”
“I had an appointment with Dr. Marshall and decided I would visit G—” I cut myself off. What if Gunner had informed everyone that he didn’t want to see me? He’d been adamant about his request and might have anticipated that I wouldn’t honor it. “Everyone,” I finished, correcting myself.
“I’m glad you did, sweetie. It’s so good to see you,” she said, giving me another hug before continuing back down the hall. I spoke to a few other nurses along the way, making quick time to get to the real reason I had come.
The hallway outside Gunner’s room was empty, but I still paused at the partially open door. Hopefully he wouldn’t be too mad. Before I could chicken out, I pushed the door open only to be disappointed when he wasn’t there. Some of his belongings were scattered about, including a partially opened package of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. I smiled, wondering if he would suspect it was me if I took the last piece of candy. If anyone would appreciate the joke, it would be Gunner. I thought about waiting around to surprise him, but my phone chimed in my bag. It was Mom and she was waiting outside Dr. Marshall’s office. The surprise would have to wait until my next session. I just hoped Pamela and some of the other nurses wouldn’t tip Gunner off that I had come to visit. Maybe when I got home I would work up the nerve to try calling him, even though I would prefer if he made the first move and called me.
I made my way past Dr. Marshall’s office, finding Mom sitting outside in her car. Concern laced her features as she took in my expression. “How was your session?” she asked.
“Good,” I answered, looking out the window, trying to push aside my disappointment over missing Gunner. It would have been good to talk to him although I couldn’t help feeling like missing him was a sign.
“Did she ask about school?” Mom probed.