"Of course he's into her. She's smoking hot," Tressa interrupted. "I bet he's already suffering from a case of blue balls," she added laughing as I heard the smacking of flesh.
"Do you always have to be so crude?" Brittni asked disgusted as I flushed the toilet and opened the stall door.
"He's not the only one," I muttered, filling the palm of my hand with soap before sticking them under the faucet that was still running.
"Ooh, things a little damp downstairs?"
"Oh my god, Tressa, seriously?" Brittni said, taking another swipe at her.
"That's one way to say it. Put it this way, he'd slide in pretty damn easy right now if you know what I mean," I giggled, bracing my hands on the counter as the floor beneath me continued to sway.
"You okay, slick?" Brittni asked, really looking at me for the first time since I'd entered the bathroom.
"Fine," I answered, moving my eyes from the slow rolling floor.
"She's buzzing," Tressa crowed, taking in my glassy eyes and flushed cheeks.
"I sure am," I cracked up, not entirely sure why I found it so funny.
er 1: Why lightweights shouldn't drink
Ashton
"Come on, go," my friend, Tressa said, trying to push me out of my chair. "What good is a bucket list if you're too chicken to do any of it?"
"Zip it," I said out of the corner of my mouth as I apprehensively eyed the situation in front of me. It seemed like a good idea on paper, but actually committing to it suddenly made me nauseous. I took a long pull from my beer, hoping that would help calm my nerves. "God, that's disgusting." I grimaced as the foul liquid poured down my throat. "I don't know how people drink this crap," I complained, slamming the bottle back down on the table a little harder than I should have.
"You're stalling, Ash. Besides, this was your idea. Pick up a random stranger and bang his socks off," Tressa quipped. "You need to seize the opportunity before someone else does, otherwise you'll be SOL, and your only choice will be Old Man Jones over there," she added, making our friend Brittni snort loudly.
"Shush," I said, elbowing her in the gut. Tressa had one volume level—loud. Her words traveled from our table to the many other patrons throughout the only bar in this sleepy little town. Joe's was the hotspot here in Woodfalls, and Friday was your only good chance to meet someone if you were single and on the prowl because Saturday was family karaoke night.
"Ow, bitch," Tressa said, rubbing her stomach. "It's not like the grumpy old fart can hear us anyway," she said loudly in his direction.
"Gahhhh, shush, Tressa. He's going to hear you," I said, sliding back down in my seat.
"Chillax, drama queen. He doesn't even have his hearing aid in. Watch," she said, shooting me a mischievous grin. "Hey, Mr. Jones, I really want to blow you," she said loudly.
She managed to get the attention of about a dozen guys with that one, including Mr. Jones, who whirled around, studying us with his beady black eyes. His grey bushy eyebrows came together in a unibrow that looked like a giant caterpillar on his forehead.
Brittni snorted again as she shook with laughter. I squirmed uncomfortably on the hard wooden bench, fighting the urge to point at Tressa like we were in kindergarten and had gotten busted for throwing spitballs or something.
Tressa returned his stare head-on, smiling sardonically until he turned back around.
"Sheesh, girl, you're lucky he didn't take you up your offer," I said, stifling my own laughter.
"Hey, you never know what he's sportin' in those dusty old overalls." Tressa winked.
"Gross," I shrieked.
Tressa just shrugged, unconcerned. I couldn't help admiring her self-assuredness. She didn't care what people thought about her. She was loud and seriously inappropriate, but hilarious as hell, despite the tight leash her boyfriend tried to keep her on. We'd only been friends for four months, but I had grown quite fond of her in the short period of time. Both she and Brittni had welcomed me into their friendship circle without a second thought. They acted like I belonged. Not because they felt sorry for me or pitied me like everyone else had done for so many years, but because they genuinely seemed to like me. Brittni wasn't as flamboyant or inappropriate as Tressa, but she had a wickedly dry sense of humor that kept people on their toes. And then there was me. I wasn't completely sure what I brought to the group, but that's why I was here. Somewhere over the last five years, I'd forgotten who I really was.
"Alright, time to stop stalling. Get off your ass and pick up that tall, dark, he-can-have-my-panties-any-day seximist," Tressa said pointedly, looking at the stranger we'd been eyeing for the last fifteen minutes.
"Maybe I should do something else on my list," I said, pulling a rumpled slip of paper out of my bag while desperately trying to ignore the butterflies that had suddenly decided to hang out in my stomach. I gently smoothed out the creases as I contemplated the items scrawled on the paper.
"You're kidding, right? This town has a population of like negative ten, and he's the hottest thing to walk in here in forever. When are you going to have the opportunity to have one night of hot wild sex with a stranger like that again?"
"That's my point. Don't you find it a little weird that we don't know this guy? This town is pretty much off the beaten path. He could be some mass murder. How do you know he wouldn't put my head in his freezer or something?"