My whole body clenched at his words, at the naughty promise in them. I felt liquid and trembling at once.
“Then you better take me to bed. It’s safer,” I said archly.
We were in his bed in no time, Damon peeling off his uniform and stopping every few seconds to kiss me again.
“How could you ever think I wouldn’t want our baby? That I would blame you or be mad?” he asked. “What did I do to make you think that?”
There was anguish on his face. “What you said about Brody, about never wanting to be in his shoes. You never want to be a father, never want to be in that position. I was going to tell you in the car from the airport and you said that. I’m not blaming you; I’m saying that made me see clearly that—”
“That I’d rather die than lose a child, than lose you. I didn’t say it right, or you would’ve known that what tore me up, besides worrying about Laura, was the fact I kept seeing you, your face drawn with pain and fear, sick and in danger of losing our baby. It was the worst nightmare I could imagine to face that. Because what I want more than anything is you, a family and a life as your husband. I’ve loved you for so long, Trix. I should’ve told you months ago.”
“Why didn't you?”
“Every time I came close, I thought of what I had to lose. Because even being your fake husband, watching movies with you, making dinner together, I didn’t want to give that up or ruin it if you didn’t feel the same way. Once you waited up for me that night and I’d had you—I would’ve done anything to keep you. If it meant pretending it was just a fling, just for fun, I could do that if it meant I had you in my life and in my bed. I was a coward, Trix. Forgive me.”
“So was I. I was an idiot. Even my sister told me you wouldn’t be mad that I’m pregnant, but I wouldn’t listen because I was so—chicken,” I blurted out.
“You’re my chicken,” he said, and kissed my forehead. I laughed.
Then I stopped laughing abruptly because he was stripping off my leggings and sliding warm hands up my shirt, big palms and long fingers along my rib cage and up, up, fondling my breasts, making me catch my breath. He pushed up my shirt and kissed my belly, looked up at me with wonder in his eyes.
“I am the luckiest man. I should send your shitty former landlord a fruit basket to thank him. I never would’ve gotten you if it weren’t for the bad plumbing in that building.”
“You’re right—you are an idiot. You could’ve had me anytime you wanted me.”
“Anytime?”
“Anytime. That day you came in to get flowers for your sister… the night in the bar when you touched my neck. I swear, I panicked. I think if you’d so much as kissed me I would’ve come right then.”
“Let me see,” he said mischievously. His fingers skated up the side of my throat, curved behind my ear and then back down until he sucked my neck. I shivered.
“Why’d you tell them your name was Owens at the hospital?”
“Because I thought once you found out I was pregnant it’d only be Vance for about another forty-eight hours. You’d leave me. I’m sorry I thought that. I was wrong. I just panicked. I wasn’t thinking straight. I know you’ve never been anything but kind and accepting to me. You’ve shown me love at every turn. I should’ve trusted you more,” I said.
“You should always trust me. And I won’t give you any reason to stop. Deal?”
“Deal.”
Then he kissed my chin and my bottom lip and the corner of my mouth, making me gasp and respond, as if he held all my reactions in the palm of his hand. Like he only needed to choose the touch that would make me gasp or moan or say his name. He made it seem so easy, so natural. When it was anything but simple, not when any other man I’d ever been with had felt like an alien, someone that could never understand me.
“It’s been you my whole life, Damon,” I said.
“It’s been you too, Trix. I just need you to say yes.”
“Yes to what?” I said with a nervous giggle. “I already married you and I’m pregnant with your baby. What other kind of validation do you want?”
“To know that you’re here because you want to be. Not because you needed me for a loan or because I’m helping you and you feel an obligation to me. Because you want to be with me.”
“How could you ever think I don’t? I’ve been tearing myself up because I thought I failed you, that you’d hate me.”