He eyed her across the room but made no move to come any closer. Still feeling edgy from nearly getting caught in the office with Jax and the hot tub, which came too close to touching her locked-down emotions, Jade crossed her legs and laced her fingers around her knee.
“Always worried about appearances,” he muttered.
“What?” she asked.
Cash motioned toward her. “You can’t even relax on my couch. You parked down the street so nobody saw you come here and you flipped out at the idea that Jax and I discussed him finding you in my office.”
She glanced down to the pale-pink polish on her nails. She’d removed Piper’s purple work when she’d gone home to shower and she was feeling guilty about that, too.
Damn it. She did care about appearance.
“I want to blame my mother for this,” Jade murmured without looking up. She rubbed her damp palms over her thighs. “Appearances were everything. How would you advance in your career or your relationships without putting your absolute best out there for the world to see and brag about? Even then, sometimes my best wasn’t good enough.”
Cash shifted, but she didn’t dare risk glancing up. She’d opened a topic she never wanted to visit, but he deserved to know. She’d hurt him and that simply wasn’t fair. He didn’t deserve to be a victim of her warped childhood.
“My best went into my career and I was damn good at what I did.”
She licked her lips, instantly tasting Cash. In some weird way, she drew strength from him. She wished she could be a little more relaxed and carefree. Those characteristics simply weren’t in her, but when she was with him, she kept wondering why she felt more like herself than at any other time in her life. Maybe because there were no expectations and they both knew going into this that there was no ring on the finger coming at the end.
“Then, when my reputation and integrity at my job came into question,” she went on, still staring down at her hands, “I thought my mother would support me, but she didn’t even want me to use the family attorney for fear of more people finding out what happened to me. I was on my own. Which was fine; I managed and I succeeded. I guess I should be proud of myself for that. But I shouldn’t have to prove myself to my own family.”
The couch dipped beside her, but still she couldn’t look at Cash. He may want to know more than she was willing to answer, and right now she was telling him more than she’d ever anticipated.
“I’m sorry for assuming you said something to Jax. We agreed to keep this private and I know you wouldn’t lie to me.” Jade couldn’t stand the silence from him any longer. She chanced looking sideways at Cash. “Say something.”
“Your mother doesn’t deserve that title.”
Jade waited for more, but then she let out a laugh. “No, I guess she doesn’t, but I owe her. It’s easy to get angry at how she’s reacted to situations or things she says to me, but without her, who knows where I’d be?”
Cash narrowed his stare and shifted until he propped his knee on the cushion between them. He stretched his arm along the back of the couch behind her. The simple support he offered went a long way in letting her see this new side of him. Well, she was sure he’d always had his compassionate streak, but she’d never seen it before. Who knew of all the people in her life now that she was back in Haven, that she’d find solace in Cash Miller?
“You’ve said she saved you once before. What do you mean?”
There was nothing to be embarrassed about, but Jade had only told a handful of people. She was a grown woman; there was no reason to be ashamed of her parents’ actions.
“I’m adopted,” she explained.
Cash’s brows raised as he reached and laid a hand over her arm. “So your mom and dad saved you from—”
“The system.” Jade pulled in strength from his warm, firm touch. “I was just a few days old when they took me in. Lucky for them, my red hair and green eyes fell into place with their last name, though I’m more Irish-looking than they are.”
She always thought that odd, but life was full of mysteries.
“My parents lived in Atlanta at the time,” she went on. “I grew up with the best nanny, the best tutors, the best of everything except a normal childhood. I found out after I graduated that my parents were looking for a charitable statement.”
“And you were it.”
She glanced at him, stunned to see raging fire in his eyes. Jade took her free hand and patted the top of his. The last thing she’d e
ver wanted from anyone was pity. Life wasn’t perfect and pain was simply a part of it.
“You look like you’re ready to hit something,” she joked, hoping to lighten the moment. “My life could’ve been much worse, you know. I could’ve fallen into the system and been bounced around from home to home. When I was little I used to lay in my room and cry when my mom would punish me for being out of order in front of guests. I used to think, would I rather be there in the palace lacking affection, or would I rather be in a foster home or orphanage living in scary conditions?”
Cash’s lips thinned as he studied her. She realized she’d said too much, she’d let him in too far, and there was no way to take back what she’d revealed.
“That’s why you always play the ‘would you rather’ game.”
He didn’t ask, he knew, so Jade merely nodded and offered a soft smile. “It’s just a reminder there are always choices. I went to college and took a job my mother loathed, which may be why she didn’t help when I needed it. But I’m finally doing what I want, and this has nothing to do with my mother or my upbringing. I guess it only took me thirtysome years to figure out what I wanted to be when I grew up.”