I'm even more horrified when he lunges for the guard and tears him apart, limb by limb. When the other guy releases her chain, the female tries to run, but they lock the gates into the arena and she's trapped there with Crulden. My mouth hangs open as he hunts her down, grabs her by her tufted head-feathers, drags her back to the center of the arena, and then uses and abuses her in horrible ways.
And then he dismembers her, too.
I throw the vid player down as if burned. I can't believe what I just saw. I can't believe I volunteered to watch all of that…and more. I'm supposed to watch this shit daily for the next week so I can determine if Crulden is ready to fight? I want to laugh hysterically. I want to cry. I want to go to the slave quarters, hide under the blankets of my old bed, and never, ever come out again.
I curl up on the hard cot, trying to process what I just saw. That was Crulden—no one else has that unique face and build. I've seen a lot of aliens in some context or another—even the caterpillar one wasn't a shock to me. But Crulden is a splice—a mash-up of all the most brutal parts so they could make a perfect gladiator. The perfect fighter.
Except…that wasn't fighting that I saw. That was just straight up savagery. His second opponent yielded in the hopes of mercy. Didn't matter. He slaughtered the guard who brought out his prize…and then slaughtered the prize, too…after thoroughly using her. I want to vomit at what I witnessed, but the hard knot in my throat won't ease up. It feels permanent.
He tricked me. Tricked me into feeling things for him. Tricked me into thinking we were in this together. Tricked me into thinking he was practically a virgin. I close my eyes, and I can still hear his voice, full of lust and wonder, as he rubs his knuckle over my folds. "Clit," he'd breathed, as if wanting to memorize me.
I can't line that up with the guy on the vid, the one that wore his face but moved differently. The one that destroyed everything he touched. What's going to happen to me now? Is Crulden the Ruiner going to snap and ruin me next? Are they going to have to pick up pieces of me from all over the cell if I piss him off?
I think about when I first saw him, how angry and feral he'd been. How he calmed when I got in the cell with him. I'm such an idiot. It's all a long con, isn't it? Is the vicious side of him bored, so he wants to make me have feelings for him? Is that what this is?
I don't have answers. All I know is that I hate all of it. I wish I could go back to being ignorant. I get to my feet and pick up the vid player. I set it down on the corner of the scientist's desk as I leave, and I walk on heavy, slow feet back toward cellblock C.
Crulden is a monster. It doesn't matter that he doesn't have those memories. He still did those horrible things to those people. I don't know if I can be his friend anymore.
I certainly can't let him touch me, ever again.
Our shared cell is empty. I enter it, because I know I won't be allowed back to the kitchens, back to my old bed. Crulden will pitch a fit, and I…I somehow need to keep him happy. I fight back the feeling of panic at that realization as I sit on the edge of the bed. Keep a monster like that happy? He's going to want me to touch him again. He's going to want more kisses, more caresses.
Oh god. I fucking kissed him.
My throat hurts, and I claw at the shock-collar at my throat. It sends waves of pain up my arms, but I keep trying, desperate to be free. I try until my head throbs and my arms buzz with aftershocks, and my throat feels like raw meat. Still, I keep trying.
I didn't fight so hard for so long to get such an ugly ending. And I have no doubt that if I stay with Crulden, I'll get the same ending that the poor bird-woman slave got. I swallow hard, but my throat's too tight, and then everything hits at once. I barely make it to the lavatory before I vomit up the contents of my stomach.
24
CRULDEN
Showering is far less pleasant without Mina. I linger in the hot water, washing away the sweat of the day, hoping that my companion will join me. I think about last time, how Mina smiled as she stroked my cock, and I'm hard and aching even as I soap myself up. Mina never shows, though, and my lust changes quickly to worry.