I can't stop thinking about Crulden, dying. Crulden, who braced his hands on the wall over me as I jerked him off, who watched me with such intense eyes full of yearning. Who looked at me as if he'd never seen something so perfect in his life. Crulden, who thinks he's a monster.
He deserves so much better than to be treated like a trained animal. It's unfair.
"You stink of fear," the scientist tells me, tilting his face toward the breeze from the waterfall. "I'll give you a few moments to recover, but you need to think about how Crulden will react if you return reeking of fright."
I suck in a deep breath. Right. Right. Okay. I need to calm down. Nothing has changed. Our situation is still garbage, and it's still us against the world. They might have changed the goalposts a bit, but at the end of the day, it's just me and Crulden, looking for a way to escape this hellhole.
The scientist glances over at me after a time. "Obviously it is in both our best interests for him to win."
It surprises me to hear him say that, but I don't let it show on my face. Of course. Lord Sir is his boss and he has to answer to him. If he was brought in to “prepare” a special gladiator and that gladiator dies, he's a failure. It doesn't make he feel sorry for him, because he had the opportunity to walk away from this job. Crulden's never been given that option. He's been treated like a toy since the day he arrived.
"You need to find out if he's ready," the scientist says when I remain silent. "More than that, you need to make certain that he's ready."
I swallow hard. "I…I don't know anything about gladiator bouts. We don't talk about fights."
"You need to," he says bluntly.
I shake my head. "He still doesn't have memories from before. His mind is a big blank before he got here. It frustrates him. How's he expected to perform like he used to if he can't remember how he used to perform?"
The scientist is thoughtful. "It's probably a side-effect of the stasis. I've heard that it can cause brain damage in some if not properly administered." He doesn't look convinced. "Perhaps I should add a few memory-enhancement drugs to his daily stimulant shots in order to speed things along. His last fight was over five years ago, but five years of stasis shouldn't have memory effects on him." He rubs his chin. "I'll have to do some more research."
I cross my arms, confused. "What do you mean his last fight was over five years ago?"
He blinks at me. "Just that. The last known fights of Crulden are on vid. Very popular. It's one reason why Lord Sir is so very enthusiastic about his purchase."
Vids. I didn't think about that, but these people love vids of gladiator fights. Suddenly, I want to watch all of them. I want to see Crulden how he was before. I want to learn more about him. "I can watch his old vids," I volunteer eagerly. "See how he's fighting in them and compare it with now. Maybe remind him of things he's forgotten? I'd be better able to tell you guys how he's doing if I have something to compare it to."
The scientist brightens, nodding. "I like that idea. I'll acquire them for you."
Some of the tightness in my chest eases. We can get out of this, I tell myself. We can. All we need is a plan.
22
CRULDEN
Mina is quiet and thoughtful as we return to my cell that night. Her scent smells like sunshine and fresh air, but underneath it are slightly more sour scents, and there's no trace of the delicious musk that appears from time to time.
That worries me. Mina is normally bossy and full of instructions as we eat, but tonight, she's quiet. She slurps down her noodles quickly, and when I dig a claw into her bowl to steal a chunk of meat, she doesn't smack my hand. Instead, she holds her bowl steady for me to steal from. I narrow my eyes at her, not liking this. The simmering rage that boils in the back of my mind threatens to erupt. Not at her. At others, who have changed her. "What did they say to you today?"
She looks up at me in surprise. "Who?"
"You know who."
"Oh. Right. Sorry, I was just thinking." She pokes at her noodles with her eating sticks. "They asked me about you, actually."
I stiffen. Flashes of memory race through my mind. Of Mina, her sharp gaze intense as she strokes my cock. Of how good it felt. How…forbidden. Did they ask about…that? "And?"
She looks thoughtful. "They asked me about your fighting. If you're ready for the arena. I told them I didn't know."