My hand stills on her cheek. I pull away. She doesn't want to touch me, then. My chest aches at the realization.
Mina immediately grabs my hand back and presses my palm to her cheek, returning me to where I was. "I'm not mad at you, Crulden. I just hate that they're so involved. There's nothing I'd like more in the world than to spite those two assholes, and yet here I am, giving them what they want." She sighs. "Because it's what I wanted, too. And I guess I'm a little mad at myself over that."
I don't know what to say. "Because…you touched a monster?"
She pinches my nipple and twists, making me jerk back in surprise.
"Ow!"
"Because it makes them happy, you doofus," she hisses at me. "Quit calling yourself a monster."
"What am I, then?" I am curious how she sees me.
"You're a person. You're just…Crulden." She settles down against me again. "Quit insulting yourself. I don't like it."
So fierce. It's one of the things I like best about her. "I do not feel like Crulden," I admit. "Maybe that part of me was wiped when they wiped my memories. Sometimes it feels like it doesn't fit."
Mina looks up at me. "Would you like for me to call you something else in private? Something between the two of us?"
I would love that. The thought of sharing something with her floods me with pleasure. I nod.
"What, then?"
I…have no idea. I try to think of a name, but this is one of those areas where my mind is shattered and fragmented. I cannot think of anything appropriate.
She pats my chest. "Take your time. We'll stumble on the right thing eventually."
I think about names as I hold her close and drift off to sleep, though. Names. Her name is Mina, after the female in the love story about a monster.
Maybe…maybe this Mina can love a monster, even if the last one didn’t.
21
MINA
I'm a little on edge the next morning. News must have traveled fast around the compound, because the smirks sent my way make it clear that they all know Crulden and I are fucking.
And while the truth isn't quite that, it doesn't matter. I got called into his shower, we were there for a while, and when we came out, I was naked and smelled like his spunk. I'm sure everyone's put two and two together.
To make things worse, Crulden's acting a little more mellow, too. He doesn't get mad when the trainers smack him with their shock-sticks, or when they insist he's not moving quickly enough and has to do a particular obstacle course faster again. He just jogs right back to the beginning as if it's nothing and starts over.
He's fucking cheery. All because he got a hand job in the shower.
Part of me's kind of smug about that hand job, too. I like that I have such an effect on him. I like that he watches me intensely all day long, as if he's memorizing my face. I just wish everyone else wasn't smirking about it.
It gets worse when Lord Sir shows up with the scientist to watch the training. Crulden's in the ring with one of the quicker glads, a smaller race that the overseer is—the ones with orange skin and creepy eyes. He's still bigger than me, of course, but next to Crulden, he looks like a waif. His method of fighting seems to be lots of movement—floating like a butterfly and stinging like a bee, I guess. All the while, Crulden's trainer shouts at him to move faster, to think on his feet, to close the distance.
I try not to show any expression on my face, just so Crulden won't react, but I'm a little worried that Lord Sir and the scientist both are out watching. They study the two gladiators as they spar for a while, and when Crulden draws first blood with his claws, the other glad is bandaged up and then they go back into the ring again, this time with long wooden staves.
The scientist then turns to me. "Come, slave. It's time for you to have a medical check-up."
I swallow hard, because I can just imagine what that entails. Crulden pauses, watching me, and the other gladiator clubs him on the side of the head with his staff, earning him a snarl from Crulden and another shout from the trainer.
"Let me tell Crulden where I'm going," I say. "Or he's going to get upset."
Lord Sir looks pissy at the thought, his shoulders drawing up, but the scientist nods. "You know his moods best. Go, then. We'll wait for you right here. Make it quick."
Oh, both of them are accompanying me? Joy oh joy. I jog forward, hopping down onto the sand of the pit and signaling for the trainer to pause. To my surprise, he actually does. "Hold," he bellows, and the orange gladiator takes a step back, panting. Crulden immediately stalks toward me, a frown on his face.