“You did, Boone. And it’s fine. I’m grateful to you and always will be for helping me through this—”
“You …” I say, pointing a finger at her, “are too fucking much.”
She whips around. The feistiness in her eyes melts into a pool of watery golds.
My lungs strain to bring in any oxygen. My chest threatens to crack open and bleed right in front of her. I want them here. With me. I don’t want them to leave.
Maybe ever.
She nods, causing the bun on top of her head to wobble.
Her lip quivers. “I am too much,” she says in almost a whisper. “I know that.”
“I didn’t mean it like that.”
“It’s true either way. I am a lot. I know that. And it’s not fair what I’ve done to you.”
My shoulders fall. “Please explain because I didn’t know you did anything to me.”
She looks shamed. Guilted. The way she looks at me with those big eyes full of unshed tears makes me think that maybe she did something to be sorry for.
“What did you do?” I ask. “Did something happen?”
She laughs, but the sound is muted, like her mouth is full of cotton.
“Jaxi?”
“Like usual, I tried my best but seem to screw it all up.”
“What did you screw up?” I ask, my voice rising.
“This. Me. You. Rosie, if I don’t watch it.” Tears stream down her face. “I wanted this to work with you. I wanted it to so badly. But every day when I wake up in this house, I feel like Cinderella just waiting on everything to change back.”
She paces around the room.
“This isn’t real, Boone.”
“The hell it’s not.”
She laughs in a sad, hollow way. “It’s too good to be real. It’s … It’s an apparition, a trick of the mind. And even if it is real,” she says, cutting off the objection on the tip of my tongue, “it’s going to end. This is going to get more complicated. Do you know what I talked to Rosie about today?”
I shake my head.
“I had to explain to her why she has her last name, and I have another,” she says.
“So adopt her.”
“I’m going to.” She lifts her chin. “I’m going to give her the stability I never had.”
“Which is what you should do. What we should do.”
She smiles sadly. “If you want to be in her life, that’s fine. I won’t forbid you from seeing her. I’m not cruel. But …”
My jaw tenses. I brace myself for an impact that I don’t feel ready for.
“But what?” I ask.
“But I don’t think you’re ready to handle Rosie and me long-term.”
I tug at my hair. The roots pull from the shafts. The pain feels like a relief in comparison to what’s going on inside my body.
“You are out of your mind,” I tell her, fuming. “You don’t trust me?”
“It’s not that.”
“Oh, yes, it is. That’s exactly what this is. You think I’m going to go all Shawn or whatever the fuck’s name was who made you feel unworthy. So you don’t just think—you expect that to happen with me.” I narrow my eyes. “Thanks.”
She doesn’t move a muscle. “Boone—”
“Has it occurred to you that you trusted me more when I was an absolute stranger standing across from you in the kitchen?” I raise my brows. “You got in my car and let me take you to the police station, and you’d spent no time with me prior. I could’ve been a legit nutjob, and you trusted me. But you won’t trust me now?”
The words hang in the air between us. I’m not sure which of us they hurt the worst.
She wipes her cheeks with her eyes because the tears are back again. I clench my jaw so I don’t lose my control.
My family has always had so few expectations from me. I’m the fun guy at dinner. I show up when needed. I sit in meetings and go through the motions and surprise everyone on occasion with something brilliant. But contribute? Even though I’ve shown I can, they’re still surprised when I do.
And now, when I step up in the biggest way possible, even Jaxi, who barely knows me, thinks I’m incompetent.
Untrustworthy.
“I don’t know why I expected you to believe in me,” I tell her. “But I did. I thought out of all the people in the world, you were different.”
“I do believe in you.”
“Not from where I’m standing.” I gulp a breath of air to help steady me. “I thought today was different, you know? Wade was actually nice to me and let me take the lead. We used my game plan. And we got a contract on a piece of property that could end up being one of, if not the biggest, deal in our company’s history, and it was my thing.” I take another deep breath. “And I wanted to come home and tell you.”