Shutting off the phone, he threw it on the bed. “Shit.”
Jo rubbed a comforting hand down his back and rested her head on his shoulder. “If I’d known two days ago, I would have told you.”
“I know.” He just had to get through the next few hours and then he’d see her at the wedding. He’d know more once he saw her. He was never going to sleep tonight. “Want to crash here and binge Schitt’s Creek?”
“Does the Pope shit in the woods?”
“Cool. I’ll go raid the kitchen for snacks.”
Jo passed out around one in the morning, and he stayed up, staring at the television but not really watching or listening to what was on the screen. Julie hadn’t contacted him, and he wondered if she contacted Lance.
He thought about the fact that she was actually carrying another man’s baby and outside of the family conflict, tried to determine if this at all affected his feelings for her. Around three in the morning, he decided it didn’t.
He couldn’t remember a time in his life, when he didn’t love Julie. Even when he was a scrawny little boy, he’d do anything in his power to protect her. He loved the perfect way her hair curled at the tips and the imperfect way she snorted when she laughed. He didn’t pick and choose the parts of her he loved. He loved all of her. And this child was a part of her.
Pat had always loved children and wanted a family. It was one of the reasons he wanted a financially stable career that let him set his own hours. Of course, he always pictured his life with Julie, even when it was clear she wasn’t available. He tried not to think too deeply about their children. But his imagination had a mind of its own.
Sometimes he imagined they would have two girls and a boy. Other times he pictured a brood of wild Irish rogues and one delicate rose. It didn’t matter how they were mixed. In the fantasy, they were always the same happy, loving family.
He realized he could handle raising another man’s child. If it was a part of her, the other pieces didn’t matter. But Julie was not in the same place as him.
For Julie to see this through and actually leave Lance for good, it couldn’t be with Pat as plan B. She needed to do it on her own, like Jo said. And right now, Julie was scared.
Her confidence in herself was shaken after years of mental abuse and gaslighting. She might not believe she had it in her to raise a child right now, especially alone. But she would never truly be alone.
Pat knew she could do anything she put her mind to, but Julie needed to believe that. She needed to trust and believe in herself again. And that was what he wanted for her most of all.
He’d always be there to help with anything she needed, whether she loved him or not. That’s what friendship was.
He hoped like hell she found the strength to stay away from Lance and move back home. If she stayed in Jasper Falls, he’d help her any way he could. And eventually, her confidence would return.
This was a big decision for her, one he couldn’t rush her into. It now made sense why she kept saying that yesterday was an escape from reality, and she couldn’t make any promises about what tomorrow would bring.
Chapter 15
“You look like you could use a swig.” Perrin handed Pat a flask while they waited in the back room of O’Malley’s for Ryan and Maggie to arrive after their last shoot with the photographer.
He sniffed the flask and scented whiskey, then took a swig and winced. “What the hell is this? Jameson?”
She snickered. “Your family has a weird loyalty to Tullamore Dew. Get over it.” She sat beside him, the netting beneath the satin of her bridesmaid dress making a lot of noise at the simplest movement. “Don’t mind me. I’m just a taffeta nightmare.”
He glanced down at her feet and cocked his head. “Converse?”
“I have my limits.”
He chuckled. Maggie and her sister weren’t the girlie sort of girls. “You got a date out there?”
A cold laugh coughed out of her, and she took back her flask. “No, I don’t date men.”
“Women?” Maybe she’d like Jo.
“I wish. My life would be so much easier if women did it for me.”
“Bad relationship?”
“You could say that. I’m surprised you didn’t hear about it. Your cousin was screwed over by the same guy.”
“I vaguely recall some gossip.” He accepted the flask when she passed it back to him.
“How about you? Still pretending you’re engaged to Jo Cook?”
He did a double take. “How did you—”
“I remember Jo from high school. I always assumed… Am I wrong?”
“No.” His lips pressed in a rueful grin. “But if she did it for me life would be so easy.”