“That’s because I haven’t actually got one.” A lie, but I wasn’t about to admit my feelings to Jak before I admitted them to Azriel.
“Then I suggest you do so – and before the gulf between you gets too wide to traverse. Besides, running away from a problem is never a good idea.”
Which was an echo of what Aunt Riley had said to me when I’d first woken in hospital after being dragged back from death.
I hadn’t wanted to listen to her back then. Hadn’t really wanted to listen to anyone – not even when my own intuition had suggested that banishing Azriel was the worst possible move I could ever make. I’d been far too angry.
But somewhere between waking this morning and now, my brain cells had finally started functioning again. The truth of the matter was, despite the pain and the hurt, despite the sense of betrayal, I needed Azriel in my life. I just had to hope that it wasn’t already too late to get him back.
I grabbed a quick shower at Jak’s in the vague hope that it’d wash away all the bits of fluff and debris that were both on and in my skin – the Aedh magic didn’t always re-form clothing as precisely as it deformed it, and it wasn’t unusual for me to have annoying bits of fiber sticking out of my flesh for days after becoming Aedh – then went in search of clothes. I found a pretty, knee-length dress at the back of the wardrobe in the spare bedroom, but had no such luck when it came to underwear – for which I was kind of glad. It would have been a little too weird if he’d kept any of that after all these years.
But just as I was about to pull on the dress, I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the mirror behind me, and froze. Because my reflection now bore a series of tattoos that ran up the back of my neck and disappeared into my hairline. They were a mix of patterns that sometimes resembled the known – one looked vaguely like a rose, another like an eye with a comet’s tail – and at other times looked nothing more than random swirls. But these weren’t any old tats. They were a tribal signature – Azriel’s tribal signature.
Obviously, when he’d leashed our energy beings and bound us together forever, I’d become part of his tribe. His family. The one he was apparently refusing to see because of his shame at being a dark angel.
And for the first time since I’d woken up in the hospital, I had to wonder – at what cost to himself had he made me one?
He’d once said that if we’d assimilated – if we’d become so attuned to each other that our life forces merged – his reaper powers would become muted, and he would never again be able to function as a soul bearer. So in saving me, had he sacrificed his own desire to once again escort souls?
As much as I hated that he’d taken away my right to die as I was destined, it seemed very wrong that he’d also suffer the loss of his own dreams. Becoming a Mijai had been a punishment for him, and it wasn’t something he’d wanted to spend eternity doing.
So when he’d put the mission first and dragged me back to life, had the cost been as great to him as it had been for me?
God, I hope not. I closed my eyes for a moment and took a deep, shuddery breath. It was time, I thought, I not only started acting like a rational adult, but thinking like one.
And that meant putting on my big girl knickers to not only confront the man I’d banished, but sit down to discuss where the hell we now went relationship-wise.
Or even if we had a relationship.
But I couldn’t do that here. It would have to wait until later, after I’d gotten home and contacted Hunter.
I tugged on the dress, finger-combed my hair, then went in search of Jak. I found him in the study.
“Did you find out where those coordinates were?” I asked.
His gaze skimmed my body as he swiveled around in his chair. “Always did like you in that dress. The lilac matches your eyes. And yeah, it’s smack bang in the middle of an old Department of Defense site in Maribyrnong. They sold it off thirty years ago for development.”
I frowned. “That’s nowhere near the other warehouse.”
“No, but it is on a ley line.”
My eyebrows rose. “Since when did you become an expert on ley-line location?”
“Since you dragged me into this goddamn quest. I thought it might benefit the story if I actually knew what I was writing about.” His expression was somewhat wry. “That’s presuming I’m actually allowed to write about it once it’s all over.”
“Uncle Rhoan said you could.”
“Yeah, but I’m betting they’ll vet it before it goes to print.”
Undoubtedly. “Being on a ley line could suggest it’s hiding another transport gate.”
The first one certainly had – we’d witnessed a Razan using it, right before hellhounds had attacked us. What it wasn’t was the gate they were using to get onto the gray fields. But that had to be somewhere near the first warehouse, because that was where the intersection was. I guess it wasn’t all that surprising we were having trouble finding it, though – it wasn’t like they’d want anyone accidentally stumbling onto it.
“Well,” Jak said, rising. “There’s only one way we’re going to find out what’s out there.”
“As long as it doesn’t take all day. I have to be back home by five.” It was just after two, so that gave me a couple of free hours before I had to contact Hunter. “And you might want to grab that knife Ilianna gave you, just in case.”
“It’s stashed in the car.” He hesitated. “I haven’t heard any whispers about weird things happening out that way. No reports of dogs with red eyes, like the first one.”