He strokes my clit, and his movements grow rougher. This time as I come, he slams into me, the muscles in his neck straining as his fingers curl deeper into my hips, and he comes.
After he cleans up in the bathroom, he slides back into bed next to me. He wraps his arms around me and nuzzles my neck. “I don’t want to let you go.”
My body is sore and sated, my heart full, my eyes closed as I’m curled against him. I breathe him in and remind myself to stay in this moment—here and now. No regrets or longing for a future that can’t be.
“If only you weren’t still in love with him,” Nate whispers.
I picture Max—the big grin, the intense eyes. No matter how much I want this moment to be about me and Nate and no one else, it can’t be that way when my heart is divided.
“I can’t help that.”
I can tell by the way his body stiffens that he thought I was sleeping and didn’t expect me to hear his words. “He’s waiting for you.” It isn’t a question, more like a reminder.
“Why are we talking about this?”
He finds my left hand and takes it in his, rubbing my bare ring finger. “Because I’m in love with you.”
My heart swells at his words, threatening to burst at the fractured seams. “I love you too.”
“What if I told you I needed you to choose?”
I turn in his arms so I can see his face. “I don’t understand.”
He slides a hand into my hair and brings my head to rest against his chest. “This is hard for me. I’ve never wanted…”
I want to look at his face, to try to understand what he’s saying, but he clutches me tighter against his chest, and all I can do is wrap my arms around him and hold on.
“My decision not to start another family wasn’t a difficult one for me,” he says softly. “Collin is my world, and I never thought anyone would matter as much as him. But then I met you.” He loosens his hold, and I draw back so I can see his face. There’s torment in his eyes.
“What are you trying to say?”
“I’m saying I’ve fallen in love with a girl who makes me want to figure it all out and find a way to make it work.”
My chest tightens with hope, confusion, terror. Because…me and Nate for real? How would that even work? “Nate, you don’t have to—”
“I want to. Fuck, angel, I need to.”
“Then why do you look so sad?”
“Because you’re still in love with him, and I’m not sure I’m the guy you’ll choose.” He brushes his knuckles across my cheek and lowers his voice so I can barely make out his words. “I’m not sure I’m the one you should choose.”
“I love you.” I feel the tears on my cheeks. The panic in my chest.
“You need to talk to Max. Before I come to New Hope to work with Asher next week. You need to put it out there. Tell him what you’re scared of. As much as I want to believe he’s just some asshole after you for the wrong reasons, I don’t think that’s true. I’ve seen the way he looks at you, Hanna. You have to hear him out because you deserve better than to let your insecurities keep you from the life you deserve.”
“And what if I choose him?”
He studies me in the silence, his eyes roaming over my features. Memorizing. “I’ll let you go. I know this is hard for you, and you have my word that I’ll respect your decision once you’ve made it. I’ll still feel like the luckiest bastard in the world because you trusted me with something precious.”
“My virginity?”
“Your heart, angel.” He swallows. “But here’s the deal. If you choose me, I want all of you. Mind, body, and soul. I won’t settle for less and I won’t share.”
Five Days Before Hanna’s Accident
THE NOTIFICATION light on my phone is flashing at me when I get back to my office. Shit. I missed a call from Hanna.
I dial the voicemail and listen.