Me: Up for a call? I can hide in my office for a few. Don’t mind texting but would rather hear your voice when I learn all about what’s been on your mind.
Ava: I can’t call. I’m meeting someone, but it’s my turn for a confession.
Me: Please, go on . . .
Ava: I’m putting the brakes on Operation Pregnancy.
I blink at my phone and reread her last text three times before the next one comes through.
Ava: We can talk more tomorrow, but I wanted to tell you.
I’m not sure if this should feel like a victory or a defeat. On the one hand, when I finally do sleep with Ava, I have no intention of being the stud called in to share his seed before being sent away. In that sense, I’m glad she’s putting her plans on hold after our night together.
On the other hand, I don’t know if the end of Operation Pregnancy means the end of my excuse to seduce her.
Maybe it’s an opportunity to confess it was never more than an excuse.
My fingers hover over the screen as I mentally compose and dismiss dozens of replies. I’m equal parts relieved and panicked. I have no doubt Ava still wants a child. She’s just decided it’s better not to try for one. Or has she decided it is better not to try for one with me?
Me: Swing by and have a beer with me.
I regret that reply the second I send it. Too damn casual. I don’t want her to think that this decision is nothing to me. So I send another.
Me: Or I can come by your place. Whatever sounds good to you. We should talk.
Ava: Maybe I’ll come by Jackson Brews after my date.
Me: Date????
I grimace at the four question marks looking back at me from my text. If I wanted to play it cool, I could have left off a few of those.
Ava: I forgot I scheduled two SUC dates at once. Just got the reminder about tonight and didn’t want to be the bitch who stood someone up.
I officially hate text conversations. Is it really that she doesn’t want to stand someone up, or does her decision to end Operation Pregnancy mean she’s back on the market?
I tried to give her space this week. Last Saturday night was intense for her. It was for me, too—intense and fucking amazing. We both put ourselves out there. Admitted this attraction isn’t new on either side. It was everything.
Me: Enjoy your date. Be safe. Call if you need me.
I have to believe her plans to take the focus off pregnancy might mean something good for us, but until we get to talk in person, I can’t assume anything.
Ava
If I hadn’t scheduled my first two Straight Up Casual dates at the same time, and if I didn’t have a serious guilt complex at the prospect of standing someone up, I’d be spending my Saturday night at home, not at Howell’s downing another shot of tequila and praying to every deity I’ve ever heard of that this experience is better than my last.
I’d like to blame the tequila for the heat pooling in my belly, but I know Jake’s texts are responsible. I like the idea of him thinking about me. I like the idea of him showing up in my bed in the middle of the night. My only problem is that I don’t know if the attraction he proved so clearly last weekend extends beyond sexual desire. Does he want a real relationship with me? And do I want one with him when I don’t know where I’ll be living come fall?
Ending Operation Pregnancy in a text was cowardly, but I was afraid I wouldn’t do it at all if I didn’t do it now. And if the sexy texts stop now? That’ll tell me all I need to know about where Jake stands.
I study the contents of my drink and wait for a date I’m not the slightest bit interested in having. This is the last one. Thankfully, Ellie was cool about it when I told her I was transferring her gift to Teagan.
I might as well make the best of tonight, though, so I will myself to imagine a good outcome to this date. A handsome guy with a big smile who looks at me with s
tars in his eyes. Someone with a steady job, who values family and knows how to make me laugh.
Someone a lot like Jake.
The thought makes my chest pinch, and I take a long pull of my beer. Jake isn’t just a prime example of the kind of guy every girl deserves; he’s my rock.