I wince. Harrison used to say that.
“Stop putting so much pres
sure on making this happen.”
“You try to control everything. It’s no wonder your body won’t accept a baby.”
“Can’t you meditate or something?”
I lift my chin. “You might be right, but that’s not a very nice thing to say.”
“Shit. I mean . . .” Reaching out, he tucks my hair behind my ear, then he puts a hand on the wall on either side of my head and leans in. And I mean he leans in. His heat is close, his eyes are on me, and his forehead is nearly touching mine.
A shower of flurries goes through my belly and up my arms, and long-ignored lust for my best friend wakes up and stretches her arms.
Down, girl. This is Jake. Not some hot stud preparing to take you home.
“Let me help you,” he says. “I want to help you.”
I drop my gaze to his mouth. It’s so close to mine and making me feel things I’m not allowed to feel. “Are you offering me unlimited sperm until I’m knocked up?” I’m trying to be funny and force a laugh, but laughter fails me when he’s this close and my heart is hammering.
His Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows. “I guess you could put it that way.”
“How would that even work? Would you just hand over a fresh cup of the goods every couple of days?” My second attempt at a giggle sounds maniacal, but my body is a flurry of excitement—because, yes, I have my reservations about doing this with a friend, but that doesn’t change that he’s offering me my dream. I want to wrap my arms around him and squeeze him hard. Instead, I study him and unsuccessfully try to read his thoughts. More than once in the last week, I’ve looked at potential sperm donors and thought about that awkward morning at Jake’s apartment. He never said no, did he? He had misunderstood my request, and then I shut it down as a bad idea before he could answer. “You’d really do this for me, Jake?”
“You’re my best friend. I’d do anything for you.”
My chest is warm. “I’m not sure I deserve that.”
“But I’m not jacking off into a cup.”
I frown. “Now I’m confused.”
His smile is soft, and his eyes sweep over my face. “I’ll help you have a baby, but we’re gonna do it the old-fashioned way so you can relax about it.” He shakes his head. “None of this ‘am I ovulating, am I not’ nonsense. Just you and me and old-fashioned baby-making until you have a little one growing in your belly.”
I blink at him. I think I know what he’s getting at, but considering the subject matter, I think it’s best if I get some confirmation. “I’m sorry. What exactly do you mean by old-fashioned baby-making?”
He straightens, putting some space between us. My heartbeat steadies, and I can breathe easier . . . yet I miss his heat.
“You know,” he says, “when a boy likes a girl a whole lot, sometimes they do this thing where they kiss, and then they give each other a special—”
I smack his arm. “Shut up!”
“You do know how to do it the old-fashioned way, right?” His face splits into a grin, but his voice is soft. “I mean, it hasn’t just been you and that turkey baster your whole life, has it?”
I can’t believe I’m smiling. He’s talking about us sleeping together, and I’m smiling. And . . . kind of hot. What’s wrong with me? Do I have a fever? Am I delirious? Is this even real? “You’re an asshole.”
“I’m an asshole who’s making you an offer. Take it or leave it.” Then he turns around and walks out of the kitchen, and I’m left standing here trying to wrap my mind around what just happened.
Jake
“This is the dumbest fucking thing you’ve ever done,” Levi says. He folds his arms and leans back against the bar. The place is closed. Barstools have been flipped, and the floors have been mopped. Outside, the streetlights gleam.
I meet my little brother’s eyes and shrug. “I’m not denying that.”
“So what happens when she gets pregnant and carries on with her plan to be a single mom? Then you have a kid out there.”
And at least she’s part of my life. “Lots of kids are raised by parents who aren’t together. But if I have my way, that won’t be what we’re dealing with here. You don’t understand, Levi. I decided a long time ago that I wanted Ava in my life one way or another. That’s why I kept my mouth shut when she married that asshole.”